As I travel back and forth between my home in a small rural town in the Poconos of Pennsylvania and the large metropolitan areas of Philadelphia and Baltimore, I am constantly impressed with the accomplishments of human civilization. As amazing as all this is, I have to say that we humans are even more amazing. Our capacity to love and to be loved inspires us to create all this….chaos, I think that is the best word to describe what we have accomplished. Civilization is a network of roads and powerlines, a thing of homes and tall buildings, all connected by wires and concrete and traversed by cars and planes, boats and trains.
Yes, civilization is fantastic but people are even more so. In the midst of all the technology and construction, it is entirely possible that some of us have forgotten who and what we are, no longer asking why and constantly frustrated with how we definine ourselves.
How does all this relate to tango, you might ask, well, I will tell you. Tango is a dance where the man is the man and the woman is the woman. I first heard this saying in Wausau, Wisconsin, but I think it is written in a book somewhere but that doesn’t matter, what matters is that tango is basically a sexist dance, IMHO.
I know, to call something sexist in the age of #metoo sounds insulting but please do not try to think of that label as a negative term. Expressing our sexuality in this day and age is a dilemma for far too many people.
To illustrate this, let me tell you about my friend, Jude. He once was a woman but now he’s a man. I first met him at practica, a long time ago, when he was a she. As a woman, he was a lousy follower (forgive me, Jude, but it's true). I could feel the confusion within him as I tried to help him master the fundamentals of tango. It was all for naught. Eighteen months later, he had made the transformation into a man. This was not some simple choice for him to make; it affected every aspect of his life and his place in the community. As the mother of two children, I have to wonder how his kids handled his switch to the other side but for me it was a revelation into the meaning of what it means to be a man.
After his change, I had the opportunity to dance with Jude with me playing the part of the woman. I could not believe how easily he filled the role of the leader. When he led me backwards, he projected his frame and I could feel, quite clearly, where he wanted me to go. There was a definite sense of masculinity in how he communicated his intentions and how he interpreted the rhythms of the music. I was awestruck and happy for him; he was going to be a good leader of this dance.
He danced with my girlfriend next. She had danced many times with him when he was a woman and always enjoyed the experienced. Afterwards, she was quite upset. Apparently, she felt he was enjoying the touch of her body a little too much and she felt violated. I was sad for her but I took her offense as absolute proof that the transformation Jude had undertaken was real. It also reinforced my belief that respect for the woman is the fundamental pillar of this dance. This was something that Jude was going to have to learn, just like all us other guys did, or have been trying to do.
Tango is not a dance where two androgynous people make their way around a room, performing various changes of direction in the company of other androgynous couples doing the same. It is our sexuality which makes this endeavor such a fantastic experience, something that many people like me have found to be so addicting.
To dance tango without having to keep your sexuality in check is kind of like climbing in a climbing gym as opposed to scaling a cliff in the great outdoors. It is the difference between going down a waterslide at an amusement park and navigating a raft/canoe/kayak down a whitewater river. Without sexuality, where is the need for respect? A fall in the gym is not the same as a fall from a cliff, you could be seriously injured, even die. Falling off the waterslide is not the same thing as disappearing beneath the surface of a river where there is no air and no one to save you; you could really drown.
Respect for the woman in tango is what keeps us on the road to civility and makes all tango possible. We are amazing creatures, us peoples. We are so full of emotions, so capable of hurting and being hurt but also capable of enjoying and providing enjoyment. To dance tango, you have to fill the role of the man or the woman, it’s as simple as that. This is a dance that pairs masculinity with femininity, two awesome forces of nature, neither one better than, or lesser than, the other. Life is amazing, so open your eyes as to who you are and go out there and do some living. It’s okay to be afraid, being who you are is a daunting challenge but don’t let that prevent you from taking the first step.
For more 'sexist' writings by the Kayak Hombre, check out my 'sexist' books available on Amazon and Kindle. I'll list my most offensive book first, What Men Are Feeling And Why Women Refuse to Believe It's True, but there are others, just as sexist and full of honest thoughts and imaginations of a unique human being, me:)
