Chicago Tango Encounter

               In Chicago, at a milonga called ‘Esquina’, I had a very delightful encounter with a woman who played the part of the tanguera very well. I invited her to the dance floor with cabeceo, walked over to her table and offered my embrace.

               I wasn’t sure of her ability so I held her in open position. Two minutes into the first song I could tell she was not satisfied with open embrace, she was having trouble discerning my lead. With a stern demeanor, she pulled me in closer to her ample bosoms. I enjoyed this very much but there was nothing sexual in her body language, she was merely getting me to a position where she could read my ‘intention’ much more clearly.

               In between songs we didn’t speak at all. I refrained from smiling or any other show of emotion. She was a stone, staring past me at a window or the wall. The music began again and we joined in close embrace. We were not in total unison and my lead was not perfect but the music was good. I was dancing tango, the stress of traveling, after a week of night shifts followed by five hours of sitting on a bench in a stadium listening to speeches, began to ebb away.

               The tanda ended. We both waited for the cortina to begin before nodding at each other and parting company. That was the best dance I had in Chicago but I would not know it until the flight back. Most of the women I danced with in the Windy City were charming, graceful and educated in the ways of tango, yet only this encounter was unique and memorable.

~° The Yin and Yang of Tango°~

               Driving back from my new apartment in Aztec, NM, this morning, I thought about my father.  I’ve been working with him for the last 15 years on his biography. His exploits during the Korean War are a big part of his story. We made a great deal of progress this past Fall when he was finally able to relate some of the more difficult memories that he’s kept to himself for nearly sixty years.

               One tale in particular brought tears to my eyes as I drove. It occurred to me that some of my Chinese tango partners might have fathers who fought in the war on the opposite side. I think that would be an incredible change of state from fathers in arms with weapons to their children armed with tango music and dance steps. I imagined the souls of the men who departed the war finding a way to stay with their comrades in ways we cannot comprehend.

               The time and place of this event was Korea, April 27^th, 1951, and my Dad’s platoon was retreating south. The Chinese Army was not far behind having launched their Spring Offensive. As they headed south they passed a couple of tanks manned by the 555^th Artillery Unit. Normally their canons would be pointed at an upward angle but this time they were pointed straight at the horizon to unload their munitions directly into the oncoming horde. They could not stop the onslaught but they could slow it down enough to buy some time for the men on their side.

               Over the course of fifteen years, my father has tried to make me understand how strong the bond is between soldiers in battle. This morning I realized he succeeded. Dozens of times he’s told me that when a foxhole companion is killed, one who has been a part of a fighting unit that has been living, sleeping and fighting together for months on end, then a part of his foxhole buddies also dies. When he would say, "the connection is stronger even than that of marriage," I would always squirm in my chair, especially when Mom was close by.

               I don’t know what made me think of the 555^th Artillery Unit this morning. Maybe it was because I was driving down Rt. 550 and it was two days after Father’s Day. I thought about Sgt. Alley, the crafty leader of their squad who had probably saved their lives countless times during their deployment, and how he led them east for a half mile instead of continuing to go south where they most certainly would have been overrun by the enemy.

               I thought of the men inside the artillery vehicles who protected them by firing at the advancing army until they were overcome and most probably killed. As I contemplated the number of U.S. soldiers they probably saved by holding their ground in the face of certain death, tears welled up in my eyes.

               I wondered if somehow I hadn’t been entered into the equation. Maybe the cosmic forces of the universe had achieved some sort of balance through me and my Chinese counterparts, the daughters and granddaughters of Red Army combatants. Is it possible that our tango dances can offset the incredible violence and sacrifice that happened on that day?

               I have a vision stuck in my mind of a young man in Africa, living on one bowl of rice every three days. He is sitting on a rock, numb to the hunger, looking out into the great plain and thinking about a place, any place, where someone is enjoying life. I wonder if maybe that thought, that hope, is the only thing keeping him alive. I think it is entirely possible that the threads of our lives are interconnected with the threads of other lives. When we suffer, someone on the other end enjoys and vice versa.

               There you have it, the yin and yang of tango: we do not choose to dance, we are compelled by events beyond our understanding, by forces that transcend the end of life, time and space.

Tango, Alcohol and the Woman Substitute

               Here is an observation I am sure you will find original and hopefully edifying: alcohol is used by men as a substitute for female companionship. As with most insights into my life, diet and emotions, tango has helped lead me to this conclusion.

               Men and women react to alcohol in different ways. The intoxicant has a greater physiological effect on women but men are affected in a way I believe that is not much studied. According to my scientific observations, which are valid nowhere and not worth the digital paper they are printed on, boys are attracted to alcohol because they think it increases their chances of having sex.

               The appeal of beer and liquors to men is often met with revulsion among women. I don’t believe women are offended by the alcohol so much as they are disgusted by its effects on men they would otherwise deem desirable. Conversely, young males are susceptible to the fantasy that an inebriated female is a ‘willing’ female. If we can’t get her to drink up, then we end up doing it ourselves.

               Using myself as the laboratory for all my studies, I’d have to say I drink too much beer. I like the brew but I’ve noticed that I have very little desire to imbibe when I tango. Also, I was in a relationship for several years while I was learning to tango, and, upon reflection, I realize that I drank very little when I was with my partner.

               Alcohol consumption was definitely a contributing factor to my divorce.

               Today I seriously considered abstaining from alcohol and this led me to ask myself the question: why do I drink? The catalyst for my current dietary/psychological analysis is a book called ‘The Schwarzbein Principle’. What I’ve learned so far is that my diet puts me in a state of ‘insulin resistance’ which, if not recognized and controlled, could make me a candidate for diabetes and/or a heart attack. When I was younger this was not so frightening but it is a lot scarier now that I am fifty-two.

               Some might wonder why a man would need a ‘female substitute’ when he was married and I offer this explanation. I should have quit when I wed but maybe there was something lacking in our relationship. Once we had children it was easy to become estranged and my allergies helped widen the divide. It’s highly possible my allergies were the result of my substance abuse.

               I’m not asking for forgiveness but I am devoted to being truthful. My ex-wife is a great mother and we are both dedicated to the health and well-being of our children. The reason I am considering the concepts put forth in the aforementioned text so seriously, is that I want to be there for my kids when they have kids of their own. A grandparent is one of the greatest gifts a child can receive.

               Schwarzbein advocates for control over accelerated metabolic aging by controlling insulin levels via a healthy, natural and balanced diet. Her list of things to avoid are the staples of my life: alcohol, caffeine, stress.

               My job is very stressful. Tango helps immensely to reduce the tension created by a seeming lifetime of being on-call in case the cellular network crashes. As I was learning how to be proficient at this dance, I was happy to see it led to positive changes in my diet (mostly a decrease in the number of beers I drank).

               Tango was a catalyst for my last relationship. I rarely partook of libations when I was with my partner. I understand now, as I question the reasons for my drinking, that the woman I was involved with satiated my cravings for alcohol because that urge was really a desire for female companionship.

               I think I can make the changes Schwarzbein suggests if I dance more. I am not only dancing tango now, I am also working on country waltz, country two-step and west coast swing, as well as re-tuning my ballroom dancing skills in waltz, cha-cha and rumba. That will take care of the alcohol and the stress.

               The last fence I will have to climb is one I’ve scaled a few times before and I don’t think it will be that difficult: caffeine.

               When I became a full-blown tango addict, I resorted to caffeine abuse in order to stay awake on the long drives home from milongas in New Jersey, NYC and Philadelphia. The only stimulant I consumed before that time was the little bit of caffeine that was left-over in decaffeinated tea. I guess it’s time to break out the old tea kettle and get rid of that crusty old coffee pot.

               I have to say I feel a whole lot better physically since I moved out to New Mexico, five months ago. I consume a lot less calories now than when I first arrived and have lost nearly ten pounds since my arrival.  I am no longer on antacids and acid inhibitors to keep my stomach fluids from eating my esophagus. Until I picked up The Schwarzbein Principle paperback I assumed my diet was a healthy one; now I am thinking that there is a lot more to dieting and health than a reduction in fat and calories.

               I’m not exactly sure how I’ll incorporate the concepts from this book into my lifestyle but I am certain that tango is a part of my life to stay. It may have been the one thing that was keeping me alive up to this point. Big changes are coming but as long as I have tango, I’m positive I can handle them.


Check out my new book on Amazon: Fear of Intimacy and the Tango Cure.

Note: For an in-depth look into the mind of the Kayak Hombre, read his book, available on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1369366756&sr=1-1&keywords=River+tango

The Tanguera I Can’t See

               Sometimes I think the tango embrace gives me the ability to see inside a woman. It could be just my imagination but I believe what I believe: it makes me happy and helps me define what I think is happening. If I can define what I see then I can write about it and it won’t stay bottled up inside me like a thought that will kill me if I don’t write it down. Every now and then I dance with a woman who gives me no clue as to what she is experiencing. I realize now, that when this happens, it is Life telling me I have reached my destination.

               I had a job on a sailboat once and for a short time we were lost off the coast of Bermuda. The first mate, an ingenious Canadian from Newfoundland, showed us how to use a handheld radio to navigate. Pointing the antenna horizontally towards the horizon, he held the radio in his outstretched hands, a Micheal Jackson song was playing on a station broadcast from the tiny island 600 miles off the coast of North Carolina. He slowly turned around in a circle and at one point the sound faded, he stopped and turned back towards the place where the signal died.

               He explained that an antenna cannot pick up radio waves if it is pointed directly at the source. If a sailor knew where the station was broadcasting from then he could easily chart a course towards it. With that said, we turned our tiny boat in the direction indicated by the radio.

               So it must be in tango. My heart is the antenna, listening to the songs being played in the torsos of the tangueras I embrace. I look forward to the day when the music stops and I look into the woman in my arms and see nothing, then I will know I am at my journey’s end.



Note: For an in-depth look into the mind of the Kayak Hombre, read his book, available on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1369366756&sr=1-1&keywords=River+tango

Debbie and Richard Love: Tango Workshop Weekend

               Two great days of tango instruction this weekend! Night one: Pagosa Springs for a milonga workshop with Debbie and Richard Love, dance instructors from Colorado Springs who teach tango. Night two: Durango with the same duo for a very comprehensive three-hour tango lesson for beginners and intermediate.

               Eight of us carpooled to Pagosa Springs to find Les Linton and Rhonda Stroup, our resident tango instructors, already there. We arrived a half hour late but managed to ‘hold our own’ as we were taught about the basic milonga box step and traveling. Afterwards, Debbie covered ‘traspie’, a movement I always have difficulty with and appreciate being reintroduced to. Richard worked with absolute beginners in another room.

               On the drive there, I was promised many encounters with Elk but we saw none. However I did manage to learn a lot more about this area from our driver, Adrian, a tanguero from Durango, and from Harold, another Durango tanguero hailing from Mancos. Of great interest to me was the talk of hot springs that are a five mile hike into the wilderness. Pagosa Springs has hot springs that are available to tourists for a small fee but I am always looking for great outdoor adventures far from the maddening crowd.

               Day One was good but Day Two was great! I was very impressed with the teaching skills of these two dedicated dancers. Debbie’s form was perfect as she ran through a series of exercises that easily conveyed the basic skills needed to perform tango. She offered a wealth of information to the tangueras on technique: collecting the feet, moving around the partner, adornos, etc. She took great care not to overload her students and any movement she felt was important was presented in the form of a simple and fun exercise.

               Richard was mostly silent, allowing Debbie plenty of time to elaborate on the finer aspects of the dance. When he did chime in it was with incredibly insightful demonstrations for the leaders on the inner dynamics of the lead. His exhibition of contra-body movement during back ochos was the best I’ve ever seen.

               I’m sure I could rave all day about what a terrific job this couple did but you really should experience them for yourself.  They targeted mostly the beginner/intermediate level and I felt that anyone who attended their class would have a good idea on how to conduct themselves at a milonga. You can find out more about them on their meetup page at: http://www.meetup.com/Learn-to-Dance-Ballroom-Swing-Tango-Salsa-More/members/8441210/