Homosexuality, Same Sex Couples and Tango

                I believe it is time to write a piece about these subjects. Hopefully my thoughts will be accepted for what they are: my thoughts and not the law or an injustice of any kind.

               Dancing in Albuquerque this past weekend with my partner, a girl:-), a beautiful, wonderful woman and a tanguera of exquisite abilities, I happened to get a chance to dance with another woman who usually dances with women. Lady X, no, not Lady X, no one but Lady X can be Lady X…Lady B, yes, Lady B is a frequent partner of mine and a woman with whom I’ve always shared at least one or two intimate tandas with during the course of a practica or a milonga.

               In describing her to my partner I related that she usually prefers to dance with women. After the milonga, my girlfriend said she could definitely see Lady B had a lot of masculine energy and I had to admit that I didn’t see it. As I thought about our previous encounters, Lady B and myself, I couldn’t remember ever feeling anything other than the joy of our embrace and maybe the occasional frustration at our inability to move together gracefully as one person.

               As I showered this morning, I couldn’t help wondering about what I truly believed about same-sex couples, homosexuality and tango, and I thought it might be of interest to my readers so I will attempt to express those thoughts to you at this time.

               I think homosexuality is a complex subject but at its core I am certain it is all about a desire to masturbate with a member of the same sex. This has nothing to do with tango for tango is not masturbation, it is kind of like foreplay and ‘afterplay’. (If no one has copyrighted ‘afterplay’ yet, I claim it for myself!)

               I am not against gay marriage but I believe it should be like all marriages and be based on love, not on masturbation, as there is often very little sex within many marriages after the first couple of years. As with heterosexual marriages, one person shall be designated as the obvious beneficiary of the current legal system in the event of a divorce. This caveat will give at least one member of the union a valid reason to seriously consider the consequences of the commitment he or she is about to make.  If I get to make the rules, then I chose for the advantage to go to the younger of the pair.

               In my six years of tango experience I’d have to say this dance is a lesbian’s dream come true. It is entirely acceptable for women to dance with women at practica or in a milonga. I have yet to experience the sight of a mano y mano couple that is not greeted with a significantly loud silence at any milonga. I don’t think many seasoned tangueros find themselves threatened by the presence of two men dancing but it is quite unusual.

               I have seen two heterosexual men dance together with passion and exuberance and thoroughly enjoyed the performance but the exhibition was always presented in a comical light; when there is no comedy there is often unease. Why that is, I don’t know nor will I attempt an explanation.

               I make these observations from having danced frequently in NYC and Philadelphia, as well as a few brief times in Washington D.C., Atlanta, Charlotte, Austin, San Antonio, Albuquerque and San Antonio.

               As I’ve said before, when I first started dancing I was extremely homophobic. I am not nearly as homophobic as I used to be but I am still not comfortable with the thought of dancing with another man.

               Tango may be a dream come true for lesbians but I am not sure that all woman-on-woman couples are homosexuals. In fact, I think most are heterosexuals encounters of tangueras making do with the resources they have in light of the fact that there are often very few leaders, or very few competent leaders. I am sure many women, after realizing how difficult it is to become proficient in tango without the use of a skilled leader, take it upon themselves to learn the role just as men did in the old days of tango when the opposite was true of followers: few were to be found.

               I don’t think many people turn to tango because they are looking for a place to express their sexuality. The reason many of us arrive at this dance is because we are spiritually and emotionally wounded and we come seeking comfort in the embrace of another human being. Whether or not that embrace comes from a man or a woman I don’t think matters.

Note: Check out my new book on Amazon: Fear of Intimacy and the Tango Cure.

 Note: For an in-depth look into the mind of the Kayak Hombre, read his book, available on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1369366756&sr=1-1&keywords=River+tango