Can You Feed the Dominatrix? It’s Hungry.

               Lady X always had me barking up a tree and mad with desire for her. Something about her told me we were going to do the dirty deed; I could never be sure when she was going to say that now is the time to do it, but I always felt it was imminent.

               The pain of wanting her was almost too much for me to bear. All I needed to do was think of her and I was on hundred mile highway to a milonga I knew she’d be attending. Each night, when I left alone and unsatisfied, I felt like I had been sexually waterboarded…and still I longed for her.

               During the five years I knew her, I came to believe she enjoyed driving men crazy with lust and took great satisfaction in letting them think they stood a chance, like I did. I thought it was ironic that this petite woman with black curly hair, so sweet and seemingly innocent, had a dominatrix inside her.

               There is a little monster inside women that men fear. This is the reason why religions compel women to cover up with burkhas and headscarves. It wreaks havoc on men and societies. It is a primal being and a force of nature, just as strong as gravity and electricity.           

               Lady X was not an evil woman intent on torturing me by manipulating my desire for her. I suspect that dancing tango had awakened a power inside her that she probably thought was dormant and impotent. I doubt she would have the strength to suppress it because for her it must not have been an unpleasant feeling, in fact, I'd bet it was probably quite the opposite, maybe even orgasmic.

               If she knew the torment she was putting me through, I’m certain she would have found some way to let me down easy. I have to believe she has a kind heart but maybe I want to believe this because she still has such a strong hold over my libido, even from a thousand miles away and buried beneath two years of memories in my brain.

               We don’t always acknowledge our inner demons; those that don’t become slaves to the primal beings that live inside them; those that do, live a life of regret for what might have been. This is life; there is no winning this battle.