Free Your Mind And She Will Follow

I’ve always been very cynical about women leaders in tango. I understand their rationale when they take up the role to make practica more interesting in the absence of skilled leaders but I silently object, out of respect, when I hear a lady say she does so because it is better to learn both roles. I think doing both is too big a task for amateurs like most of us. That is my opinion and it is not important. What should be, I believe, of prime concern to all who attempt to lead in tango is that they have a clear mind.

Because men and women are different it is readily apparent to a man who is new to dancing that being so close to a member of the opposite sex is distracting. I deluded myself many times before I ever realized that my thoughts must not be clouded if I was to succeed.

The most obvious delusion men experience is that “she likes me.” She doesn’t like me and it took me a long time to come to grips with that sad reality. Once I did, however, I was able to progress to the next level.

Another obstacle I had to tackle was the sophomoric assumption that I had become a good tango dancer after only five years and that I was special. I was not special. I often noticed that being special was more about how the leader treated the follower than it was about skill.

A woman is naturally distracting. It is a fact of nature. It is a concept that is relatively easy for a man to understand but difficult for him to overcome. I think it is an aspect of this dance that women ignore when they are learning how to lead.

Music enters the body and choreography must happen spontaneously; there is no room in the thought process for wondering about the follower’s choice of makeup, hairstyle, fragrance, etc. There is only one thought that is allowed and this is the respect for the lady’s balance. Learning respect takes practice. This practice must happen not only at the practica but in all aspects of your life and with all the women you meet.

This means opening doors for her, listening to her until she has finished talking and treating her opinions as those of an equal, being neither superior nor inferior to yours. To be a leader of the dance called tango, it does not matter if you are a man or a woman, only that your respect for the follower is clear. When that is apparent, your mind will be clear as well and dancing will happen more naturally.