Why Doesn’t He Ask Me To Dance?

               The purpose of my blog, sometimes, is to allow women to see the thought process of a man involved in various tango activities. Today's topic: how I decide to ask a woman to dance. You may find my reasoning confusing, even maddening, and that’s probably the appropriate reaction.  

               Occasionally I am well rested and eager to explore as many new partners as possible. Often I am tired or my left knee is throbbing with pain. Once I get on the dance floor and hear that tango music, my fatigue dissipates and I forget all about my aching joints. This is tango. It is my drug of choice. When I imbibe my body responds with adrenalin that allows me to dance in spite of weakness or injury. When I am in my chair Newton’s Law of Motion is in effect: a body at rest will remain at rest unless acted upon by another force.

               I am quite certain that force is within, on or around any tanguera in search of a dance. This is a big subject so I will break it down into three sections.

               What is within the tanguera? If I don’t know her I’ll make an assumption as to her ability just from looks. Looks say a lot. Posture conveys whether she is eager, too eager or not interested. Shoes indicate skill level to a certain extent: sneakers=no skill; pumps=some skill; practice shoes=skilled/over-skilled; high heels=target tanguera:-)

               There can be an ethereal force within a lady that draws me to her. When this is present, ability is inconsequential. It is not a power that can be denied. It compels me to persuade her to join me on the dance floor. I will take the utmost care with this dance invite because failure here is not an option.

               The second set of criteria I consider is what she is wearing. Once again, the shoes say a lot but here I am strictly evaluating my reaction to the appearance of her shoes. Like the bright, shiny object the hypnotist uses to mesmerize his subject, so too is the effect of a striking pair of high heels on the prospective tanguero.

               Is she wearing a bra? This always works but I’m sure women have learned that they get too much attention unless those babies are chained down or conveniently concealed until a moment of their choosing. I’m not sure what women are doing with their breasts but I have noticed they are wielded with much more strategery than I had previously thought.

               Other externals: hair, eyes, hips, shoulders, blah-blah-blah. I think every woman has a pretty good idea of what her best assets are and we men each have our own personal likes and dislikes.

               The final measure to be considered is what is going on around her. Is she engaged in conversation? If so, is it frivolous or serious?

               Is she alone? This is a good one. A woman by herself is always a potential target. When I see a woman by herself all sorts of pheromones and endorphins are activated in my body. There’s usually a little adrenalin associated with the sighting. The feeling is purely sexual but not in a vulgar way, if that makes sense. The sexual emotion is activated because of a lack of competitors. Conversely, a woman surrounded by men is enveloped by a cloud that has a dampening effect on the bodily chemicals that produce physical attraction.

               Perfume. When I started dancing I often found a woman’s artificial fragrance annoying, frequently triggering allergic reactions. I must have undergone a metamorphosis or somehow inured myself against certain allergens because now I enjoy a variety of perfumes, like Christian Dior’s ‘Pure Poison’ or a bodywash by Victoria’s Secret called ‘Pure Seduction’. There is a tanguera at Dance Manhattan I can’t resist whenever she ‘just happens’ to walk past me after having applied a fresh coat of the latter fragrance.

               I attended the Albuquerque Tango Festival this past weekend and I have a few observations I’d like to add for your consumption.

               One tanguera asked me to dance three times and I was happy she did. I had a long drive to Albuquerque and both days were filled with milongas and classroom instruction so I was worn out. That she was not a stranger I think made all the difference in the world. When a woman asks a man to dance she might get one tanda but that can be the last one she gets from this leader...ever. I think the lady has to rely on her instincts when making the offer instead of receiving it. This is tango and sometimes a girl has to take chances.

               At the beginners milonga I was heavily influenced by the music as well as a string of good dances with my companion and other tangueras. This led me to make a hasty decision on my next invitation. After I escorted my last partner back to her seat, I scanned my immediate surroundings. This is where I make most of my propositions, inside a circle thirty feet around me, directly following the end of the tanda.

               I spotted a tanguera twenty feet away, seated at a table. In a split second I took her in and made a decision. She had short hair and I just had a great tanda with a woman with short, red hair. I also liked the cut and texture of her hair. She had nice eyes, long legs and a dress made for dancing tango. The clincher was the shoes. I didn’t get a direct look at them but I could tell they were high heels and the color was pleasing, I think they were white and light green.

               We made eye contact and she walked onto the floor. I presented my frame and she came in for close embrace. What followed was a perfect tango encounter. Her skills complimented my choice of movements. We were meant to meet. She was a sibling from a past life. Our energies combined and became something more than the sum of our parts. We became part of the music, part of the crowd and we made it more beautiful.

               I walked back to my seat, elated. I had chosen well.



Note: Check out my new book on Amazon: Fear of Intimacy and the Tango Cure.

 Note: For an in-depth look into the mind of the Kayak Hombre, read his book, available on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1369366756&sr=1-1&keywords=River+tango

               

How Tango Saved America

               If former SC governor Mark Sanford hadn’t been bitten by the tango bug, this election could have gone the other way. A rising star in the Republican ranks, this guy had the resume and the ambition to become the most powerful man in the world. Unfortunately for him, he had the sex drive of a politician but not the self-discipline and lost all control when he met a young tanguera at an open-air milonga in Uruguay in 2001. Eight years later he totally unraveled, dashing a promising career that could have put him in the White House.

               I’m sure there are all sorts of conspiracy theories but, just in case, I will start one right now.

               The multilingual woman who tempted the governor was unwittingly working for Roger Ailes and Fox News. The conservative ‘news’ channel and the former Nixon campaign manager had already decided Mitt would be their man to succeed Bush in 2008 and then the 2012 election. They could not control the pol from South Carolina and planted the seeds of his destruction long before he could see the road to the White House opening up for him.

               In 2001, a private detective, on the lam for illegal telephone hacking in the UK, was hired by Ailes to tail the unsuspecting Sanford as he visited New York City and immersed himself in Gotham City’s tango culture where he met an Argentine reporter working on a 9/11 story.

               Later, the US Gov’t, now completely controlled by Rupert Murdoch and his World News Corporation lackies, arranged a trade meeting between Argentina and the Southern Governors Conference. In Montevideo, Uruguay, at a milonga on Lorenzo Merola Boulevard, the two met again, seemingly by accident. Little did the tanguera know that the television station she worked for was a Fox News affiliate and that she was an unsuspecting pawn involved in a game between power brokers engaged in electoral espionage.

               There you have it. If it wasn’t for tango, the two never would have met and our nation’s first black president would have faced a much more competent opponent than the two-faced liar who was defeated last night. Thank you, Tango, you may have broken up a marriage but you inadvertently saved America!

Albuquerque Tango Festival: 2012!!!!!!!!!!!!

                I've been in need of an intense infusion of tango dancing and high-quality instruction for a long time and this weekend I finally got it! It seems like forever since I danced so intensely on top of so much classroom activity; my body was definitely not ready for it or perhaps I’m just getting old.  

               I arrived at the Friday night milonga late, 10 p.m., dancing started at 8. The huge ballroom of the Hotel Albuquerque in Old Town was packed! There were two dance floors, a big one and a smaller one off to the side. There were over 200 dancers on the larger floor and I knew very few of them. It was an awesome sight to behold, so many people all dancing tango!

               I mostly danced with my partner probably because the music selections were excellent and I didn’t want to miss a chance to dance with her to some of my favorite songs that I hadn’t heard in eons. The music during the entire event was superb except for a couple of tandas during the alternative milonga. When I wasn’t dancing I was ogling all the beautiful ladies dressed to kill and moving so very gracefully.

               The skill level of most of the participants was very high as was evident in the near complete observation of the codigos(codes) of tango. The one codigo that was practiced with near uniformity, was the manner in which couples entered the line of dance. Nearly all the leaders took the time to make eye contact with an approaching leader before moving onto the floor. I was very impressed by this and the behavior made me aware that a milonga was much more than an individual experience, it was a group activity and the group’s collective mood was dependent on the actions of all it members.

               I think almost all of New Mexico’s tango population was in attendance and I am pleased to see that I haven’t even scratched the surface of the many tangueras that there are here with which to dance. The festival’s website forecast the attendance of 500 milongueros and I think they reached that number easily.  

               Saturday was 30 hours long and I’m not kidding. With the one hour clock setback and a milonga running until 5 a.m. this was a marathon of tango.

               This day began with Albuquerque’s (IMHO the nation’s) premier tango orchestra, Qtango, performing for a milonga during the brunch hours. We arrived early, not wanting to miss a minute of dancing and we didn’t. I can’t say enough about this band! I implore anyone who enjoys tango music to seek out these extremely talented musicians who are incredibly passionate in their performance of tango music. I danced with such vigor and creativity that I felt spent afterwards.

               I’ll comment separately on the classes I attended taught by master dancers Alex Krebs and Yvonne Meissner. I will say this now, however, the two of them increased my knowledge about tango and improved vastly my ability to enjoy this dance.

               There was an alternative milonga around dinner time that had me on the dance floor almost the whole time even though there were a few tandas I did not particularly enjoy. I did find the change of venue challenging and it sparked my creative juices which would pay off on Sunday.

               Sore and tired, I needed a long nap and came back to the evening milonga refreshed. I’ve never seen so many well-dressed tangueros and tangueras in one place…ever! There were hundreds of them and the music was phenomenal! At 2 a.m. I happened to glance at my watch just in time to see it switch back to 1 a.m. and Daylight Savings Time. My body groaned and I had to pace myself in order to keep up with my partner who was having a great time dancing with a plethora of leaders from all points of the compass.

               We didn’t leave until 3 a.m. but I had mostly hung up my shoes the second time I saw 2 a.m. Slouching on the table to keep my back from hurting, my eyes were riveted to the crowd of dancers who were still going strong at this late hour. What a pleasure it is to see a beautiful woman with a smile on her face as she is moved about the room in the embrace of a leader who is equally pleased. There were a lot of happy faces that night but I am certain there were twice as many unhappy feet the next morning.

               After Yvonne Meissner’s class on embellishments Sunday afternoon there was a milonga for beginner’s. It was here that I probably had my most enjoyable dances of this event. Teaming up with novices and experts alike, both strangers and familiars, I finally broke out of my tired routine and attempted movements buried in my bones and in my memories during the course of 6 years of lessons, practicas and milongas.

               I recalled the ‘Chuck Sacada’ combination from my early days at practica in Stroudsburg, PA. I led barridas in every direction possible and had the best rotation on a shared axis that I ever had in the execution of a colgada!

               I managed to crawl back later that evening for the Sunday night milonga but to tell the truth I was beat and couldn’t wait until it was over. It seems that 6 milongas in 48 hours was all I could handle. I think the next time I attend this event, and I will not miss the next one for the world, I am going to have to train and build up my endurance.

               That’s all for now. Check back later for my report on the excellent instruction under the tutelage of Alex Krebs and his wonderful assistant, Rachel Greenberg, as well as the teachings of Yvonne Meissner.

(For a more in-depth looking into the mind of the Kayak Hombre and his thoughts on tango, buy his book: River Tango, now available on Amazon.com at http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527 )

 

              

               

River Tango Fan at ABQ Festival

               While dancing at last weekend’s tango extravaganza (more about that in upcoming posts) I was pleasantly surprised to find a woman who read my book, River Tango (http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1290024257&sr=8-1), and liked it! Of course I had to dance with her and I have to say it was one of the most delightful experiences of my life!

               It happened Saturday night at the milonga in the grand ballroom of the Albuquerque Hotel in Old Town. As I approached a table full of interesting tangueras, one of them called me by my full name, a rarity since most people can’t even pronounce my last name, Iezzoni, pronounced ‘eye-a-zone-ee’.

               “Perri Iezzoni, “she said as I came near.

               “Yes?” I said, somewhat shocked at being addressed so formally. At tango events, an invitation to a dance is often offered and accepted with a mere exchange of glances. This was a big gathering of tango dancers from all across the United States so I was doubly surprised that anyone knew me, much less knew my first and last name.

               As we danced she talked about the characters in my book and remarked on how obvious it was that I loved the outdoors as well as dancing tango. She expressed a deep admiration for my ex-wife whom she said was an extremely strong and admirable woman. Big Jane is a character in my book who is one of the protagonists. She is to a large extent much like my ex but she is actually a collage of many women I have known, all of whom are remarkable women.

               We danced again the next night and my new-found friend gave me another gift beyond the recognition she had already given me as a writer: a tip on how to sell my house.

               “Plant a statue of St. Joseph upside down in the front yard.” She advised me. This is not the first time I’ve heard this old wive’s tale on how to sell houses and I’m going to follow it as soon as I put my home on the market.

               Thinking back upon the encounter, I have to say it made me feel somewhat older. My book was the furthest thing from my mind at the time, probably because I’ve moved on to writing another book. It will have some tango but no river running. The river is becoming less a part of my life out here and I look forward to more backpacking trips, not river runs. It seems now that my days of whitewater canoeing are more of a memory than an adventure to be planned.

               I guess I’ve moved on in my life and that is not a bad thing. I believe it is important for human beings, as we grow older, to keep an open mind as to the paths we choose to old age. I’ve worn a pretty good trail going down many rivers; I think now I will start wearing down some serious rubber on my hiking boots as well as the felt on my dancing shoes.

Peace, Love, Tango

Kayak Hombre

Durango Tango: Heart, Soul, Brains

               I’d like to give a shout out to the heart, soul and brains of our tango society in Durango: Harold Welty, Keneen McNiven, Les Linton and Rhonda Stroup. I arrived in March to find a fledgling tango group that looked much like the deer in town after a hard winter. That is not the case today and our family is thriving with a webpage www.tangodurango.com, a Facebook page www.facebook.com/groups/353689751341313/, regular practicas and well-attended workshops. None of this would be possible without the dedication and hard work from this core group of tango fanatics. We are heading into the winter fatter than a herd of elk feeding on a field of corn all summer long.

               The reason for my enthusiasm is two weekends of excellent tango instruction right in my own backyard. Normally I would have to travel to Albuquerque or Santa Fe, 400 miles roundtrip, to find similar offerings. Tom Stermitz and Amy Beaudet taught on 10/13 and 10/14. Les Linton and Rhonda Stroup taught 10/21.

               Les and Rhonda are the brains of our body of tango. Together they bring us a wealth of information on three styles of this Argentine dance: vals, milonga and tango. Through their efforts we are educated on the movement, history and musicality of this cultural export from south of the equator. Conducting workshops every third Sunday of the month since March, this dynamic duo has been present as we grew from a mere puddle of quivering water to a virtual lake of tango enthusiasts.

               Keneen McNiven, D.C./yoga instructor, is the soul of our group, reaching out beyond our borders to bring in excellent instructors like Tom and Amy from www.tango.org. Whether she is guiding us on the dance floor towards a greater connection with our partners or on the yoga mat to help us see our inner light more clearly, Keneen is diligently working towards the happiness and inner peace of all members of our society. You can find out more about her on her webpage: www.sanjuanomyoga.com/.

               Finally there is Harold Welty, the heart of tango in Durango. Once a wandering tanguero to all points of the tango compass, even BsAs, Harold is our committed webmaster and frequent poster on our Facebook page. Harold is at every practica and every workshop, there to assist, instruct, or, as is often the case, to help clean up after a busy day of instruction or dancing. Whenever I dance in Albuquerque or Santa Fe and I say I’m from Durango, Harold is always mentioned and remembered with great affection. Their loss is our gain, thank you, Harold!

               Winter is almost upon us. Les and Rhonda have one more workshop on tango vals before snow threatens our Rocky Mountain roadways. It will not be a season without tango, however, there will still be practicas at the Smiley Building on Sunday and, beginning in November, regular practicas in Aztec, NM, during the week.

Peace, Love, Tango

Kayak Hombre

               

Tango Is The Path

               It is difficult to figure out what the right path is in life. Before I started dancing I used to lament over my mistakes with such frequency that they ate away at my insides. I found it very difficult to live with my blunders or even to learn from them. Tango teaches a dancer not to dwell on the mistakes. When he trips the music doesn’t stop playing. He needs to keep listening, to continue to choreograph, navigate and communicate to his partner. If he stops, so does the dance.

               In 9^th grade I was a prolific reader. One book more than any other influenced my path in life: ‘Cup of Gold’ by John Steinbeck. After reading this book I planned to run away from home. I didn’t get up the courage until my second semester of college. I kind of felt I lived in a world that was not much different from the one inhabited by the main character, Henry Morgan. One day he would leave home for a seaport where he would be forced into slavery and eventually become the greatest pirate ever.

               Oh how I longed to be  ‘the greatest pirate ever’ in my own time, in real life. When I finally made that giant leap into the vast ocean of life, I discovered how woefully unprepared I was. I usually had to be satisfied with just keeping my nose above the water. There were many painfully humbling experiences.

               Whichever fork in the road we decide to take, we will inevitably stumble; the trick is not to fall when we do. In hindsight I’d say learn to dance before you lose your footing, don’t wait until you’re fifty-two, like me.

               Tango also teaches us not to allow negative energy from a misstep to enter into our embrace. Applying that same concept to our lives means directing your frustration out into space and not at other people. If you allow irritation into the connection with your partner, she may inadvertently kick another couple who may fall and topple the remaining dancers like dominos. So too in life, if you take out your annoyances on others they may do the same in a way that repeats and compounds itself, rippling exponentially throughout the general population.

               I lurched through life and hit bottom many times. Until I took up tango, I carried the weight of all my failings. As I acquired new skills and began to move with my partners as one, in harmony, not just with the person within my embrace, but also in accord with the universe, gradually I began to let go of that heavy load.

                Dancing is such a great metaphor for life. We do what we can with the time we’re given, with the song God plays for us. We can march with the crowd or we can chart our own course, either way, in the end, nothing will be left but the memory of us in the minds of those we leave behind. To be memorable it is imperative to dance well.

 Note: For an in-depth look into the mind of the Kayak Hombre, read his book, available on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1369366756&sr=1-1&keywords=River+tango

              

                

Qtango Sets The Music Free

               Words are not a sufficient medium with which to express my appreciation for the tango band known as Qtango. How can I possibly convey to you, the reader, what I feel without using my hands, without yelling at the top of my lungs or jumping up and down or spinning in circles?

               I will try.

               On Sunday, I came to Albuquerque with a specific purpose in mind: to expose my girlfriend to something very wonderful. For months we have been attending tango workshops and practicas but I knew full well such endeavors, while worthy, do not capture the emotion or the transformational experience of tango.

               Two people simply moving to the rhythm of tango music are dancing tango but tango is something much more than that. I racked my brain to find a way to convey my perceptions of this dance to my partner until I arrived at the answer: Qtango.

                At the milonga a DJ warmed up the crowd before the band performed. I took the opportunity to try a new step with my partner. My attempts were nearly successful and I felt confident I could succeed if properly inspired.

               Suitable motivation arrived as if on cue, or should I say ‘Q’, as in Qtango? With Erskine Maytorena on bandoneon, Jeremy Sment on double bass and Olga Home on violin, the band took the stage and began to play.

               The sharp notes of Olga's violin moved me to reach for the stars.  As we joined in the tango embrace I looked into my partner’s eyes and was drawn into her. I could feel her confidence in me as she met my gaze. I was now more than a man, I was ‘us’. We were joined together as one entity and something more. We were part of the music, an extension of it. I willed the follower to move her left foot backward and it moved. Time slowed down to the speed of surreal. I waited for the next note to strike before moving my right foot forward and we repeated this pattern until the illusion was complete.

               It was a new movement for me, for us. We were cohorts in the creation of something original.

               My elation shot towards the ceiling accompanied by my copilot as we flew along the notes and moved around the dance floor in total harmony. I was happy. She took my joy and returned it with interest. We were one with each other and with the melody. The musicians played and we reacted. We moved without choreography, not knowing the next step until the chord had been released from the violin, bandoneon or bass. We were lost in the song until it ended and found ourselves unable to believe the euphoria, our minds reeling as the bond between us dissipated.

               For such a union to occur between my girlfriend and I could be a testament to our relationship and our particular chemistry. Dancing that night with other tangueras I made equally incredible connections and succeeded bravely in many movements I had previously executed with apprehension. 

               The only explanation for this is Qtango.

               To merely say they are good musicians is an insult in my humble opinion. They are the best tango band ever….period! Never has a violin touched me as Olga’s did. To hear Erskine sing familiar tango ballads made me realize how offensive were similar attempts by other balladeers.

               Thank you, Qtango, for helping me to find the tango experience I had been missing since I arrived in New Mexico, ten months ago. The true meaning of tango had escaped me. Now I remember what that is: to make an intimate connection with your partner, to become one with a song, to be an extension of the music and the footsteps of the melody so that it can move across the dance floor.

               Qtango does much more than play tango music with sublime perfection, it sets the music free!

For more info on this band go to their website: www.qtango.com


Note: Check out my new book on Amazon: Fear of Intimacy and the Tango Cure.

Note: For an in-depth look into the mind of the Kayak Hombre, read his book, available on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1369366756&sr=1-1&keywords=River+tango