People are complex and complexity is a pervasive ingredient in all good tango. I’m still reeling from our latest election where a misogynist won the grand prize. I am also grappling with yet another tango paradox: the close embrace: who initiates it and how close is too close? Oddly enough I think the election results hold the answer to the paradox.
When I was young, dumb and full of...zits, oh how I longed for a woman to give me a clear indication that she was game for sexual maneuvers. The endless guessing always drove me crazy. After hearing Trump’s audio of him on a bus with Billy Bush saying that he can grab women by the pussy because he’s a star I immediately speculated that his campaign was over. When it wasn’t over and quite the opposite, he won, I devoted a little more thought to that statement.
Men and women are different but I have to imagine their need to satisfy their libidos bear some similarities.. An adolescent male learns to curb his desire else face jail but the urge still remains. A girl in her teens learns she must resist her longing to be touched else be labeled a slut. We all want to appease our primal needs but we are restrained by social norms. I have to wonder the effect that Donald’s braggadocio had on a large part of the population, maybe his willingness to break rules was appealing and not as repulsive as some thought, maybe there is a segment of the female population that is tired of the guessing games and appreciative of a direct approach...albeit from the right person..
So too, I believe, it is for the close embrace. The leader sometimes must take a chance and bring the woman in close, into intimacy, without fear of reprisal, with confidence and taking responsibility for the risk. She may find the task of dictating the degree of physical contact to be an impediment to her enjoyment and prefers a partner willing to bust through all the emotional obstacles she has erected.
The answer, therefore, to the question of who initiates the embrace and how close it should be is that it is the man and he should make it as close as he comfortably can without disrupting his partner’s axis. There is a way to do this but it is yet another skill that must be mastered if spontaneous choreography is to happen.