Sunday, January 29, 2012

The Country Club Tanguera


               “Did your company move you out here?” She asked, oblivious to the sunlight shining so brightly on her line of questioning and its obvious intent.
               Feeding her not-so-clever inquiry with brutal honesty, he replied, “No, I don’t get anything. It’s all on my own dime.”
               She was a familiar persona since he began dancing: pencil thin, bleach-blond, blue-eyed, wanting to know who he was, how much money he made and did he really belong here. He wondered if she was really blond? Were those contacts? Who knows, he thought and didn’t really care. He’d been subjected to these kinds of inquisition since he started dancing but rarely did he get it at a milonga, a place where tango, and only tango, is danced.
               Her embrace, or lack thereof, told him she was not a true tanguera, a woman who dances tango. If she was, she’d know conversation during the encounter, usually three songs and referred to as a tanda, is impolite. He guessed she was a ballroom dancer from her stiff frame.
               He knew what she would glean from his reply: executive, management or tradesman. He’d been divorced a long time and had been through this routine many times. He was unworthy in her eyes, he could hear her passing sentence, judging him, stereotyping him. He was surprised she didn’t break contact and bolt to the restroom to wash her hands.
               “What exactly do you do?” She queried.
               He sensed some confusion on her part. This was not their first dance. He reflected on their initial encounter. He remembered that she was relieved at his ability to perform: tango is a very difficult dance for a woman to learn, and even harder for a man, a tanguero, to lead.
               In tango, connection is everything. He could feel the distance between them increase. He didn’t want to be here anymore. He wondered why she was here. He figured she was lonely, just like he was, they were here for the same reason. But she didn’t know anything about tango, or care to know. She was clueless to her participation in this social ritual imported from Argentina. To her, it was just another dance. She didn’t know she could fall in love, or have her heart broken, or both. She was unaware of the danger to herself…and her partner.
               She asked, “How did you ever learn how to lead so well?”
               He could hear the unspoken words in that sentence so clearly, it was as if she had actually spoken them. How could someone like you ever learn how to lead so well? That is what she meant to say. Her body language gave her away.
               To him, she was the worst kind of dance partner, capable of mimicking the movements but incapable of sharing the emotion necessary to complete the connection. She was lonely but once her initial desire was satisfied, she became vulnerable and had to put up her walls. She used these walls, he guessed, to keep herself from noticing life going on around her. She had long ago discovered what she needed to build her prison and inoculate herself from what was going on around her: be thin, stay with the money, and he was not the money.
               “So,” she said, “what are you doing here?”
               She was so inured to her own poison, he thought, that she didn’t have any problem letting those words pass through her lips. The obvious answer would be: dancing. But this was not an obvious question and any reply of his would only be addended to the one she had already conceived: he was here to meet a wealthy woman and sponge off of her. He suspected that was the answer she most feared because she was feeling vulnerable. In spite of her walls, he had made it through. She was becoming compassionate and she did not like the feeling because it threatened the fortress where she kept herself locked away from the world.
               He said, “I’m here to dance with women. I’m a guy, I like girls.”
               The poison entered through his ears and drained down to his heart and made it heavy. He realized his partner had no idea what she had just done. She was here because her body told her there was something here that she needed, like a deer foraging for salt next to a busy highway. She was a skilled dancer but couldn’t find what she needed in ballroom, swing or salsa, so she ended up here.
               She wasn’t aware that her line of questioning was not even a conversation. It was a tool she was using to dissect this man and now he returned to his seat at a table by himself, trailing his emotional entrails turning black. That is the difference between tango and other dances. The connection is deep, personal and fragile. She didn’t know she was dancing tango, perhaps someday she will.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Learning How to Live


                I’ve been at 5300 feet for nearly two weeks and my blood pressure is still too high at 146/92. I never really paid much attention to my blood pressure until I took the physical to go to Afghanistan. Thank you, Lord, for changing my course, that would have been a rough wave to ride! With this in mind, life in Farmington, near the Four Corners region of the US and at the entrance to the southern end of the Rocky Mountains, is not so bad.
               It has been eight days since I tango’d last and I can’t take it anymore: off I go to Albuquerque. Right now, I’m at the Walmart getting my oil changed. My iron got returned by the Post Office, so I have to do laundry before I go: my permanent press clothes from last week are in there. It’s not easy being a tango gypsy but I’m doing it; I’ve got no choice, and that, really, is what it means to be alive: coping with situations where circumstances are beyond our control.
               I think that is what I loved about whitewater kayaking, the thrill of entering a dangerous rapid and making course corrections that could mean life or death. Tango is like that, too. You can’t really control your partner, or the crowd, so you are forced to make course corrections that allow you to exist in harmony with everybody else.
                I’m surprised my blood pressure is so high because I’ve been eating well and I haven’t taken allergy medicine since I got here. Also, I’ve been focusing on hydration and haven’t had any back problems, or joint problems, since I started paying attention to my water intake. I’m losing weight, too, and have been since this summer when I realized my metabolism slowed down considerably now that I’m 51 years old. A tanguera, Lady X, used her power of suggestion to get me to realize my weight was a health problem, not just an impediment to dancing. I’m a stubborn person and I guess I’ve been in denial about why I have to lose the extra weight.
               That’s just the physical me and these are things I can control. I am working on ‘dancing’ with the things I am unable to affect directly. How this is done is where the beauty and ugliness of living lies. How I treat my family, how I deal with women and men, how I respect the Earth, whether I’m a litterbug, a spoiler, or a person who makes my environment a better, cleaner, more friendly place to live, make me more attractive or more despicable.
               I guess I want to be pretty:-) LOL! But I’m serious. Tango has changed me. So have the raging rapids of the rivers I’ve known. Years of whitewater river running has helped me make sense of the chaos in rushing current. The frothy turmoil is no longer a confusing picture. I see the eddies and cross-currents as untangled, navigable paths and realize why it is necessary for me to perfect my forward stroke, my brace, my fundamentals.
               So too, for tango. The music is no longer this insane Mexican combobulation of melodies; it’s not even Mexican! It’s Argentine, it’s Piazzola, Gardel, Canaro; it’s tango, vals, milonga.  My partner is not just a sexy object of my affections, she is a person, a stranger and she needs to be treated with respect and diplomacy. In tango, I have to be sensitive and I have to be strong. That is why I must walk with confidence and on my own balance, that is why I work to perfect my step, my pivot, my composure, the fundamentals of my dance.
               The river and the dance are great metaphors for life. At fifty-one, where I fit in the grand scheme of things is a lot clearer to me than it was when I was twenty. To some, it seems logical to inoculate themselves from life’s rapids or to sit down and try to avoid the dance but it can’t be done; they are only delaying the inevitable: the day they confront a world where circumstances are beyond their control.
               So, here I am in Farmington, New Mexico. There is no dance here other than the dance of life and I embrace it wholeheartedly.
               Adios, for now, I’m looking on the bright side, eating healthy and learning how to live in New Mexico. The scenery here is gorgeous. Sunsets are incredible; cameras can’t capture the red and yellow hues of the light when the sun shines directly on the canyon walls and mountain sides.

Kayak Hombre
              

Friday, January 27, 2012

Progress Report: Tango Farmington



               Work is going good. I got weekends off and may be able to swing a four-day work week! I’m in an affordable location. I was considering a trip to Moab to visit Arches National Park but I’m not sure about crossing the high-country in my Prius at night. Also, it is going to be in the low 20s and I’m not up for winter camping just yet.
               Good news! I received an email from an inquiry I made before I launched myself out here. It said there are a few milongueros in the high country. Email addresses were included! It seems Durango is the place. The town is a forty-five minute drive that I haven’t made yet, so I’m not sure what the road is like. Here in Farmington, it is cold but no snow. During the days it reaches fifty degrees but drops down to the low twenties at night. Very little precipitation, so far.
               I sent a request to the email addresses mentioned, hopefully someone will be able to give me a history of tango in this area and give me some more leads to other dancers. It might be that Durango is the place for a practica, we shall see. I haven't danced in 7 days...this is the longest I've gone without in over 3 years!
               My contract seems pretty firm about the time I’m needed here: 18 months. For now, my plans are to line up work in, or near, New York City, when this contract ends but things will probably change by then. I'm looking on the sunny side but it is very bright...I need glacier glasses, seriously. The sun is so bright here, it is blinding, especially late afternoon.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Witches of La Befana(cont.) Troll-fur and Ménage à trois

            An hour later, it was getting dark. The park was filled with the flashing blue and red lights of a dozen police cars. Yellow tape cordoned off an area around the entrance to Ceci’s apartment. She sat in the back of one of the cars, being questioned by an elderly detective smelling of coffee and cigarettes.
            “Miss Carre,” he asked, “tell me again why you had to fire ALL five rounds into the assailant, your former husband?”
            Undaunted, disgusted by the man’s odor, she answered, “Because I still had more bullets left. What don’t you understand?”
            The detective shook his head and got out of the car.
            Ceci recognized a man amongst all the uniformed and plainclothed law enforcement officials. It was John Carozzi, a city councilman who happened to be one of her dance partners at the tango parlor they both frequented. She liked to call him Johnny. She caught his eye and shot him an appealing glance. It worked. Johnny went over to one of the officers and, a minute later, a uniformed young man opened the door to the squad car.
            “Ma’am,” he said, gesturing back towards her house, “you can go back inside. There might be follow up questions later but you were obviously defending yourself. Do you need a counselor? We can provide one….”
            “No,” she said, “I’ll be alright.” She exited the car and walked past the councilman. “Are you coming tonight?”
            He pretended not to notice, then glanced her way and winked.
            Three hours later, the young witch was seated at a small cocktail table in a large warehouse in South Philadelphia. Adorning the walls were giant doorway casings from mansion houses and castles, seeming like giants towering over the gathering of about one hundred tango dancers. Two huge fans, halfway up the cavernous ceiling, hovered forty feet above the crowd, each the size of a commercial airliner’s propeller, circulating the air with soft whooshing sounds as they swung their enormous blades.
            There was a wall in the center of the dance floor and the couples moved around it counter-clockwise, in two lanes of traffic. The place was dimly lit and seductive tango music emanated from speakers located somewhere in the darkness of the ceiling space.
            She spied Johnny, seated ten tables away, and waited until he looked at her. When he did, he held her gaze and nodded towards the dance floor. Nodding in affirmation, she waited until he got up and came to her table before joining him in a tango embrace.
            Ceci loved the tango. Before she knew about her special powers, tango helped her deal with the strange force growing inside her. She loved the anonymity, wrapping her arms around strange men, their smells, feeling their energy. Maybe, she thought, her attraction to this imported folk-dance from Argentina was a desire to play with men’s sex drives and still be able to escape before they turned into lust-crazed wolves, kind of like playing chicken with the devil.
            The politician was not the best lead but she wasn’t here to win any contests. At 6’2”, she found the dark-haired man enjoyable company to waltz around the track to tango music. His hands wandered a little too freely, she thought, but, since he’d done her such a big favor today, she decided to let him run around the yard without a leash, at least for just a little while.
            His libido was strong this evening, she surmised. She wondered if he was married, if he had any kids. She loved his smell, the feel of his muscular frame, the power that emanated from him. This was a man who made weighty decisions that affected the lives of many people: highway construction approvals, shutting down mass transit, preparation for emergencies. Each one left a residue that gave him a unique cosmic scent. Taking a deep breath, she melted into his embrace and lost herself in the complex rhythms of tango music.
            Ceci felt something stab her in the hip, she knew right away what it was. Yuk! She said to herself, he’s aroused. I shouldn’t have let that happen. When the music ended, Johnny propositioned her for dinner and asked if he could he walk her to her car, .
            “Yes,” she replied to the first question, “and no. Go sit down, calm your jets, Tiger.” With those words, she parted his company and walked back to her table to find it was occupied by a lovely woman with long, dark curly hair.
            When Ceci approached the table, the woman stood and looked her straight in the eye. She was slightly taller than herself, dressed in a blue-ish black skirt that was short and tight. The strange lady wore a black blouse so sheer Ceci could see her peach-sized breasts bobbing around inside, unencumbered. She wore little makeup on her face except deep black lipstick and some eyeshadow. Her eyes were dark brown and she had several piercings, one in her nose that sported a small diamond and one in her eyebrow that bore, what seemed to be, a tiny black pearl.
            The stranger glanced towards the dance floor and back to her.
            Ceci was taken aback. She marveled at the audacity of this newcomer to invite her to dance tango as a lesbian couple. She had danced with women before, usually at practice sessions when men were in short supply. This, she thought, was an obvious come on. The woman nodded her head once more and brought her feet together with a click, causing her breasts to bobble around in her shirt. Ceci stared at them and found them enticing. Then she noticed an unusual aroma that reminded her of pine trees. Was it patchouli?
            She had crossed a threshold today, when she pumped that last shotgun blast into her ex-husband’s chest. She decided then that there was no turning back and, to go on, there would have to be no barriers. She accepted the invitation and nodded her head in acceptance.
            The second their bodies embraced, Ceci knew the other woman was a witch. Discerning no immediate threat, she let herself be led around the room by her fellow Wicken. She closed her eyes and pressed her head into her partner’s cheek to get a better connection. Visions of dark, choppy waters lapping at rocky shores beneath hillsides covered in tall pine trees, filled her mind. She experienced the intense emotions of a little girl being raped by her father, beaten by her mother and endless toil. A great sympathy welled up inside her and she let it flow into her partner. This was a sister, she thought, astonished.
            For a moment, the other lady looked at her with disbelief that faded to relief.
            Ceci felt as if the stranger had just let down her guard and let her into her soul. She noticed her mood change from sadness to joy to playfulness, as her partner led her into a variety of delicate, sensual movements. The music slowed and the two women held each other gently. Ceci turned her head and saw the councilman staring at the pair, slack-jawed. The other woman must have noticed too because she stopped dancing.
            Then the two ladies looked at each other and shared the same thought. Ceci turned back to Johnny, made eye contact and nodded towards the door. His jaw dropped even further. The dancers looked at each other and laughed, then looked back to the councilman to reassure him they were serious.
            Thirty minutes later they were back at Bryn Mawr Park, standing in front of a nine story building. Ceci learned the other woman’s name was Nadja and that there were two other women in her building who were also witches of shades of black. One lived on the third floor, the other on the sixth and Nadja’s apartment was on the ninth. She didn’t have to tell Ceci that this meant she was more powerful than the other two.
            Inside the apartment, Ceci found it was decorated with oriental rugs, brass urns and a few paintings of men adorned with odd small hats that she guessed were Turkish in origin. Nadja led her two friends into the bedroom and sat them down on a large circular bed, covered with satin pillows of different sizes and colors.
            “You,” she said to Johnny, in her thick Balkan accent, “stay right here and vatch. Don’t move until vee are ready. Don’t vorry, eet von’t be long.” She dove across the bed, her long dark hair exploding on her back, and opened a cabinet door on the headboard. She pulled out a long pink scarf.
            Ceci guessed it was some sort of cashmir but it was softer and more pleasing than any fabric she had ever touched.
            Sitting next to her on the bed, Nadja stated, “Thees ees troll-fur, you vill like eet. Very, very good! I had to keel three of dem to get eet…not easy.” She looked at Ceci with an expression of loss and sadness. “But, vee vill eenjoy eet now!”
            Nadja took Ceci’s hand and wrapped the end of the scarf around her wrist. When she completed one wrap, the clothed seemed to move by itself to complete several more revolutions. It wound itself around her forearm, then her elbow and bicep, like a snake winding its way up a tree. She found the sensation of the fabric’s touch against her skin stimulating, arousing. Blood rushed to her arm and she saw her skin flush and goose pimples sprout.
            The scarf kept going, seeming to have a mind of its own. It wound itself around her head, tickled her ear, made its way down her shirt, around her torso and beneath her breasts. There seemed to be no end to its length as it snaked its way around her body. Soon it was racing around her limbs like a train on an endlessly winding track, circling her pelvis in a figure eight around her hips and thighs with its sensuous touch. Blood flowed like a raging river to all parts of her body.
            Ceci’s vision blurred. All around her were groping limbs, warm tongues and the ever-moving scarf. Every orifice in her body was engorged and filled. Every sexual desire she had ever conceived was satisfied. She slipped into a state of consciousness where she couldn’t tell if she was dreaming or awake. The orgy continued until she couldn't take it any more and her vision faded from her eyes.

Lloyd Shaw's Studio practica and Milongas de las Puertas


               Just a quickie because I’m really tired and won’t have time to write for the next few days.
               It was a three hour drive, 187 miles, from Farmington to Albuquerque. That would be arduous if it wasn’t for the incredible landscape I drove through…truly breathtaking!
               Practica at Lloyd Shaw’s was great. That floor is so nice to dance on, brand new oak and a perfect finish. I danced with four women in two hours and three of them were Russian. I love Russian women: so open minded and dedicated to perfection. The cost was only $2! The session was over before I knew it and I felt it a shame to have to leave but there was a milonga later, so I had that to look forward to.
               I got a hotel room that is clean and cheap. The cost of living around here is really low. They also serve a free breakfast so I’m saving money left and right. $40 for the hotel, $25 for gas, $7 for both the practica and the milonga and this doesn’t look like such an expensive tango excursion.
               Milongas de las Puertas is housed in a huge warehouse on the northwest side of Albuquerque. The event wasn’t well attended but I enjoyed myself thoroughly. Two of the Russian women I met at Lloyd Shaw’s were there and I danced with them most of the night. Sometimes, however, a tango event is more about the ambience than it is about the performance. This place has ambience in spades!
               The name means ‘dance of the doors’. Inside, there is a large open space. The ceiling is at least forty feet high and there are two big ceiling fans that look like propellers from a 727. There are dozens of doorway frames lining the walls and that is the purpose of this place: to sell doorways. Not just any door frames, these frames are the size of the ones from the Sistine Chapel. The size of the doors makes you feel small and insignificant.
               The music was traditional and very, very good. The DJ danced all night with the ladies. Lee, the owner, stopped to talk to me. He said tonight’s crowd was light because of a more popular event in Santa Fe. This is funny because there were two excellent tangueras from Santa Fe who attended tonight’s dance, so whatever was going on up north must not have been good enough for them.
               All in all, Albuquerque seems to be as good for the ladies as it is for the men. There are lots of single women to dance with here and there are lots of men, from all walks of life, who seem to have found them. I can’t wait to see what the coming year brings!
              

Friday, January 20, 2012

Tango Farmington, Day#2: the search continues...

     Day#2. I checked all nine dance studios listed by google for Farmington. That was an experience. One of the busier studios, Dance 4 Him, had no adult supervision but lots of young girls in leotards. There was another studio across town that was the same way: kind of like 'Lord of the Flies' for girls.
     The last place I checked, Judi Nickerson's Dance Studio, was a private residence. A woman answered, who turned out to be Judi. She said she didn't know how her home address showed up on the internet, especially since she had quit in 1996. She gave me the rundown on all the other places: Dance 4 Him was a Christian oriented dance school and the 'Him' is Jesus.
     She said San Juan College was probably my best bet and I should get in touch with the Community Recreation Program.
     So, it was another disheartening day for tango in Farmington. One of the places I visited was a nice fitness center. I think I'll get a membership there, next week. Hopefully, a good workout will take my mind off tango when I start to miss it.

The Witches of La Befana(cont.) Mal'occhio, the Evil Eye

            Dejected, she returned home. As she walked towards the doorway of her apartment, the wind blew a strong, lengthy gust and clouds darkened the sun. A shiver ran up her spine. The change in direction probably save her life.
            Walking across the park and past the oak trees, she headed towards Sister Basil’s to see how she was doing. Inside the brightly lit dwelling of the ailing nun of the Order of La Befana, the young witch went to her bedroom. On the wall above the headboard was a huge tree limb from an old oak; there were no indicators that it was fastened in any manner to the wall.
            Ceci didn’t know what she would say to the older woman but her inner compass told her she needed to be here. Ever since the incident with the squirrel, she began paying closer attention to her intuition. Sitting on a padded footstool, she grabbed Sister Basil’s hand and held it. She found the touch of the old woman’s skin reassuring, calming. Maybe, she thought, her fears were ill-founded.
            Without warning, the nun awoke, her eyes wide with horror as she looked at Ceci.
            “Mal’occhio,” she spoke, but the word was unfamiliar to Ceci. Again, she repeated the strange word, “mal’occhio,” and fell back into unconsciousness.
            All her fears returned with a force magnified in intensity. Her nerves were firing on all pistons. She stood up and went to the doorway. A voice inside her told her to turn. When she did, there was Sister Basil, or what looked like her, for the holy woman still lay in bed. Ceci froze, her eyes fixed on the apparition.
            It was smiling, wryly. In her head, the young witch heard the elder speak quite clearly and with a slight chuckle, “The girls don’t like competition,” she heard the voice say, “you’re going to have to fight to prove your mettle.” And then it was gone.
            Trembling, she nearly ran back to her apartment, scanning the buildings surrounding the park. Several women were standing in doorways or in front of open windows. She did not stop to stare but she was acutely aware of a certain color identifying each one: red, black, brown, grey, yellow.
            The wind caught her feet and almost blew her back to her doorway. She slammed the door behind her, threw her back against it and slid to the ground, her knees bent. With her eyes closed she found relief in the silence; it was almost too silent.
            She opened her eyes and there was her ex-husband, Franklin, standing at end of the hallway leading to the kitchen.
            “What are you doing here?” She asked, confused and still shaking. Seeing him brought her back to her senses. Her nerves calmed, hardened, then became steel.
            “Honestly, Calliope, I don’t know,” the tall, handsome man said, seemingly confused.
Then his expression changed, his eyebrows furrowed and he gazed at her with malice in his eyes. “You’re mine,” he said and began walking towards her, “you’ve been sleeping around, haven’t you?”
            Shocked, Ceci said, “Franklin, it’s been five years. You don’t own me.” Afraid to face the women in the park and penned in by the advancing ex-husband, she tried to slip past him but he caught her by the arm and
slapped her across the face. She swore to herself that she would not let this happen to her again. She could feel the sting on her face and the slight taste of blood in her mouth as she raised her eyes to face her attacker. The pent-up air suppressed in her lungs came rushing out of her mouth as a loud sigh, bringing along with it, a surge of power, infusing her arms with superhuman strength. Both her hands slammed his chest and she pushed her attacker off his feet. He faltered as his body tried to compensate for the unexpected retaliation, and fell with a mighty thud onto his ass.
            He sat there, momentarily stunned by this unexpected reaction from his prey. He was aghast and looked at both of his empty hands, as if asking them how this could have happened to him. Then he slowly raised his eyes. Each incremental movement of his head upwards, told her he was working himself into the rage he once used as an excuse to beat her like a dog, years ago.
            But that was then, this was now; she was a new woman, a woman of strength and new found power. She didn't need that power now, however, she had a gun. 
           She looked at him and realized she only had a split second to react, but that was all she needed. Cat-like, she dashed down the hallway and disappeared in the bedroom. In the darkness she found her 12 gauge semi-automatic shotgun and felt  the clip to ensure it was fully loaded. Then she emerged from the darkness to confront her assailant, a slight smile moved across her lips.
            He stared at her in horror. “I don’t know how I got here, honest! I didn’t mean to hit you,” he pleaded, “please, you’ve got to believe me.”
            Recalling her gun safety training at Lucky Lou’s Shooting Range, she braced the weapon against her right shoulder. She didn’t need to aim; he was close. He stepped towards her and she pulled the trigger with steely resolve. He changed direction in mid-stride.  Miraculously, the man remained on his feet. Adrenalin rushed through her body once more and she squeezed the lever again and again. She pumped a fourth round into her ex-husband that propelled his body through the door, tearing it to shreds, and into the street where he fell flat on his back, his legs twitching.
            She stepped through the splinters of the entrance and stood over the body. It was then she felt the eyes of the coven upon her. They were all watching, she thought, and looked around the park. Returning the gaze of each pair of eyes watching her, she counted them: eleven. With one bullet remaining in the gun’s chamber, she rested the end of the cold metal barrel against the bleeding carcass on the ground but did not avert her gaze from the other witches as she pulled the trigger a final time.