Is It You or Is It Me? The Approach and The Remedy

               Just as I thought, telling Lady X how I felt about her and blogging about it, got me past the problem we had connecting. In hindsight, I can define the obstacle more clearly: I adored her. Adoration has no place in tango. To dance tango, we must treat each other as equals with respect to the obvious differences that make us what we are: man or woman. Once I took her off her pedestal, our connection returned.

               We had a healthy practice session, the last time we met. That was the first time we ever practiced and I benefited greatly. Finally, we were able to get to that most sensitive point in a tango relationship: giving feedback.

               Commenting on a partner’s technique is a very sensitive issue in tango. I know I take it very hard unless it comes from someone I respect or have paid money to criticize me.

               I was surprised to find Lady X wasn’t perfect. This was revealed to me several weeks ago and we both knew something was wrong and resolved to fix it. For me, this became a quandary. Until then, my sole purpose for dancing with this girl was….to dance with this girl, nothing more. I have always thoroughly enjoyed my tandas with her. Once we noticed a ‘leak’ in our connection, we both knew it had to be fixed.

               If we both blurted out remedies, the results could be disastrous. This is such an intimate dance, making an unsolicited diagnosis could be fatal to further contact. We spent the night looking for ‘leaks’ and found three or four of them. She was working on a concept of grounding herself during her movement and I realized I needed to pay attention to this energy, which is peculiar, and make sure I responded adequately. Once more, I am astounded by how little I know and how much more I need to work on understanding my partner.

               Lady X and I have never been able to dance in close embrace and I think the problem lies in me. This is where adoration is a problem. In tango, tangueras don’t want to be put on a pedestal, they want to be held by a man and led around the room to the rhythm and melody of the music. It seems pretty simple when I say it like that. Holding a woman is a lot harder than you think. Grabbing a woman is easy, holding her so she feels comfortable moving about in your embrace is a whole new ballgame.