Sunday, January 8, 2012

Sex and the Single Tanguero


                If you are a poor, unemployed tanguero, like me, don’t expect tango to lead to anything more than another tanda. That’s good because I don’t like to be promiscuous. It’s not that I don’t want to be  sexually active or that I lack the desire, I simply prefer women whom fate leads to me, or me to them. This only applies to the over-40 crowd. If you are under that age, this doesn’t apply, you are still a victim of your biological clock.
               ‘Control’ doesn’t happen until later in life. For me, it was 46: six years into my unwilling celibacy, following my divorce, and two years into my education in dancing. It wasn’t total control, a good tango embrace and I would lose my ability to concentrate for a few days but I was always back on the wagon before practica came around.
               I think my honesty, also, kept me from any situations that might lead to an unchaste coupling. Women are attracted to successful men and I let them know, right off the bat, that is not me. I've been counseled to lie, by my male friends who care about me and hate to see me suffering from D.S.B.
               Every now and then, one will slip through my wall of non-deception and suspect I may be lying. This happened in New Jersey. I was dancing with a lady and she asked where my daughters went to school.
               “City X,” I replied, “and City Y.”(the names of the actual towns will remain anonymous out of respect for my daughters’ privacy).
               “Where in City X?” She inquired further.
               Through an obvious line of inquiry, she extracted the names of the schools my daughters attended: both very good schools. I was being coy, not because I wasn’t proud of my children but because I prefer to be humble. More questioning: field of study? Car? This happens a lot in ballroom and swing dancing but this was the first time it happened to me in tango.
               “What do you do, again?” She asked.
               “Technician for a cellphone company.” I gave my standard reply.
               She didn’t buy it for a second. Let me tell you something, there is not a more delightful woman to dance with than one that thinks you’re marriage material, unless you’re paying her:-D
               The reason for this essay is that I experienced the same phenomenon last week. I relayed this info to another woman and she suggested that it was possible the tanguera was just interested in a one-night stand. Either way, that is not for me. I’ve made it too far to have to wonder if I’ve gotten an STD or pubic creatures of unusual size, also known as PCUS(yuk! That’s almost as bad as Santorum!). Fortunately, for her, she found an actual ‘player’ and lost interest in me.
               This player was definitely a better catch than me. I know he’s got a job because he wears a pager, two of them! Maybe he has two jobs! Lucky guy, I can’t even get one:-( That’s when it occurred to me that being a better prospect is not all it’s cracked up to be. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I’d like to talk to someone about it. That’s when I contacted Jack X.
               People are always saying I don’t know Jack, but I do. He’s very successful and he’s tall. Either trait is at the top of the list of women on the prowl. He said a lot of the girls he’s met are looking for the Alpha Male. Denying that he was that type of guy, he said it didn’t matter, only that the huntress ‘believed’ he was the Alpha Male. He said this misperception happened a lot because he’s always been an executive or CEO of the companies he’s run.
               We had a short discussion and I discovered his problem wasn’t the lack of candidates applying for the position but the abundance and their sincerity to actually fill the job. His big worry was a lawsuit or a rape accusation.
               That is sad news but it made me feel a lot better about my role as a non-combatant in the sexual revolution and the subsequent battle of the sexes. I guess I will go back to doing what I’ve always done: live out my sex life vicariously, through the stories told to me by other people with claims of multiple amorous conquests.


(For a more in-depth looking into the mind of the Kayak Hombre and his thoughts on tango, buy his book: River Tango, now available on Amazon.com at http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527

2 comments:

  1. I just red this blog and apsolutly agry.It's realy sad that people looking on the position you have not the personality.I have simila situation.

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  2. Actually, I don't blame them, nor do I feel slighted. Fate will guide me. Always has, always will:-) Let's hope she doesn't take too long to arrive!

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