Oh how nice it would be to never know the
cold, to never know fear, pain or sadness. Or would it really be so nice? A
tango dancer knows that is not true. Our experience with the cold makes us
appreciate the warmth with indescribable pleasure; the pain of a heart that is
broken teaches it to care the next time love comes near; it is fear that helps
us to see how many important things there are in our lives. It is our struggle
that helps us grow and it is in growing that we are truly happy.
This is also true in tango: if we danced
perfectly, right from the start, we would never fully experience the pleasure
of dancing tango because we would have missed the essential ingredient: our
failures. Our flawed attempts at
movement with a partner in concert with the music are the mystery spices that
make each encounter unique and provide a couple with the opportunity to send
their souls to the stars.
A novice tanguera can take heart in the fact
that her inexperience is not a deficit; in fact it is quite the opposite. She
should not listen to those naysayers who tell her, or she might even tell
herself, that the skilled tanguero is only dancing with her because it makes
him feel superior, for that is not the case. This may be true in other
circumstances where men and women work together but not in tango; tango is
different.
I spent four years learning how to tango before
I got laid off and began to travel and dance all around the country. At the end
of my fourth year I was a regular at the Saturday afternoon practicas at Dance
Manhattan in New York City. From 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. some of NYC’s most dedicated
milongueros gathered to hone their skills.
There is another practica that follows; it is
for beginner’s. Nearly all the women of the earlier practica depart but most of
the very experienced leaders stay. This baffles many of the women from the first group who dismiss
the phenomenon offhandedly. Several times I have seen experienced tangueras
stay, looking for more dances but they are offended and perplexed by the
apparent hunger the men have for these untrained women. Such is the chemistry
between leaders and followers.
So many times I have heard experienced tangueras
at Dance Manhattan’s first practica say, “Oh, I know why you stay, because you
want to be a big man with the girls who know nothing.”
It
is useless to debate that point anywhere else other than in your own blog.
Ladies believe what they believe because they do not know what it is to be a
leader; what responsibilities we have and how that brings us great joy.
Sometimes
we find extreme delight dancing with women who have no skills whatsoever. To be
the first ‘real’ leader a woman encounters is an honor and an incredibly
exhilarating sensation. If a man does his job well she will grow exponentially
within the short span of time of their engagement. Working with an experienced
tanguera can take weeks to see a fraction of the results achieved with a virgin
tanguera. A leader in this position takes great satisfaction in offering her a
proper invitation to move for the first time.
This
is a selfless act. Often young women take it the wrong way. After their initial
euphoria wears off, they eye their first leader with distrust. An older
middle-aged woman is not so suspicious. She knows when she has been given a
gift and is wise enough to see the strings attached if this gift was not meant
from the heart. She takes the present and is grateful which is all the reward a
man ever needs. Eventually the young lady begins to see it the same way and
joins in the dance of tango as she should: untethered.
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