After 5 years traveling around the country I was finally in a position where I could take a break from my career and enjoy a little time off. It's funny how it happened. I think learning the art of cabeceo has helped me recognize intentions long before words are spoken. Thank you, tango, once again, for adding so much value to my life.
I was working a crappy assignment in Ohio, dancing tango in Pittsburgh, when the opportunity to escape presented itself. It was sometime in July when my boss's boss came to our facility. I was brought in as a contractor due to the sudden death of an employee. I would find out later that another had also died and that two more had cancer in a pool of ten technicians.
I had to get out of there but how to do it without ruining my chances for future employment? It was my suspicion that this visit from management may provide me the chance to gain full-time status with this particular company and I was ambivalent about the prospect. I didn't like the people I worked with and I was certain there was some hidden factor related to the recent fatalities and illnesses as well as a horrible on-call schedule meant to destroy my circadian rhythms once and for all...but the prospect of being a regular employee, privy to all the nice things that came with it like healthcare and paid time off was very alluring.
It was Wednesday when the regional director arrived. On Monday, two days prior, I had this incredible yet inexplicable feeling that something good was happening in my life. The supervisor visited all the techs in their cubicles and made it clear he was taking us to lunch. I hated going to lunch with these guys. They never tipped and you could tell by the looks on the wait-staff's faces that serving them was not a pleasure. I imagined what was going on in the kitchen when our food was being prepared and I'm sure it was not pretty or even sanitary.
When I was invited to join the rest of the crew I declined. That little voice in my head told me this was a mistake but I stuck by my decision. The next month's budget did not include funds for a contractor and soon I was on the unemployment line. My boss felt bad and gave me a good letter of recommendation: now I was free to roam around the country.
The following month I camped, hiked, fished and danced a lot of tango in Pittsburgh. The next two months I went to the Four Corners Region, NM/CO/UT/AZ, and did some more camping and danced more tango in Durango and Albuquerque. I had a great time but my funds were running low so I came back to PA to stay with my parents after the Albuquerque Tango Festival. From here I could dance more tango in Philadelphia and NYC while I looked for full-time employment.
Surprisingly I found the tango in Philly much more rewarding than NYC. It was the other way around when I left in 2011. Also, I got back into the other dances: swing, cha-cha-cha, rumba and salsa. With one week left on my unemployment claim and my bank accounts near zero I landed a job based out of my hometown; there would be lots of travel but at least I could occupy the place I'd been struggling to keep the whole time I'd been chasing work around the country, trying to provide for my college-aged children.
God loves me. He tells me so each time I cross the bridge over my beloved river, the Lehigh. Further proof, as part of my training, I have been sent to NYC for a 5 week assignment, all expenses paid. Since I've been back I've had the most amazing tango excursions. The women have been phenomenal. I wake up the next day remembering dreamy dances with darling tangueras.
I have not experienced this kind of feeling to this degree of magnitude ever. I think it is because this time I know I will not have to be leaving. The last five years have been hard on my heart and I blame tango for that. I fell in love with a wonderful woman and didn't (couldn't?) hang around to nurture that relationship. I am broken in so many ways. I cheated on her and destroyed something that, in hindsight, would have been incredible. I should have done things differently but c'est la vie. My sex drive has been devastated and now I understand its purpose: it is there to get us to take chances on illogical life-paths, to prevent men like me from becoming monks when we are needed so badly by the opposite sex to end two lifetimes of loneliness simultaneously.
At 55 years of age, I realize that I may only have enough love in my heart for one last relationship and I've got to make it count. I feel like a guppy in a fish tank of piranhas. I am so close to heaven, to living a life while working close to home, running the river, dancing tango, mowing the lawn, voting in the local elections, maybe even going to church to be a part of the community, yet I fear that I may blow it based on my previous experiences.
There you go, readers. That is where the Kayak Hombre has ended up. There but for the grace of God go I. My path in life is on a precipice climbing the side of a mountain. The future is uncertain. I am poor in material things but rich in the ways that count. I have my kids, my house and my career as both a telecom junkie and a writer currently working on a book about witches. I've been away for the last six months but now I'm back. Stay tuned for more insight into my life, into tango and other things.
peace, love, tango
the kayak hombre
I was working a crappy assignment in Ohio, dancing tango in Pittsburgh, when the opportunity to escape presented itself. It was sometime in July when my boss's boss came to our facility. I was brought in as a contractor due to the sudden death of an employee. I would find out later that another had also died and that two more had cancer in a pool of ten technicians.
I had to get out of there but how to do it without ruining my chances for future employment? It was my suspicion that this visit from management may provide me the chance to gain full-time status with this particular company and I was ambivalent about the prospect. I didn't like the people I worked with and I was certain there was some hidden factor related to the recent fatalities and illnesses as well as a horrible on-call schedule meant to destroy my circadian rhythms once and for all...but the prospect of being a regular employee, privy to all the nice things that came with it like healthcare and paid time off was very alluring.
It was Wednesday when the regional director arrived. On Monday, two days prior, I had this incredible yet inexplicable feeling that something good was happening in my life. The supervisor visited all the techs in their cubicles and made it clear he was taking us to lunch. I hated going to lunch with these guys. They never tipped and you could tell by the looks on the wait-staff's faces that serving them was not a pleasure. I imagined what was going on in the kitchen when our food was being prepared and I'm sure it was not pretty or even sanitary.
When I was invited to join the rest of the crew I declined. That little voice in my head told me this was a mistake but I stuck by my decision. The next month's budget did not include funds for a contractor and soon I was on the unemployment line. My boss felt bad and gave me a good letter of recommendation: now I was free to roam around the country.
The following month I camped, hiked, fished and danced a lot of tango in Pittsburgh. The next two months I went to the Four Corners Region, NM/CO/UT/AZ, and did some more camping and danced more tango in Durango and Albuquerque. I had a great time but my funds were running low so I came back to PA to stay with my parents after the Albuquerque Tango Festival. From here I could dance more tango in Philadelphia and NYC while I looked for full-time employment.
Surprisingly I found the tango in Philly much more rewarding than NYC. It was the other way around when I left in 2011. Also, I got back into the other dances: swing, cha-cha-cha, rumba and salsa. With one week left on my unemployment claim and my bank accounts near zero I landed a job based out of my hometown; there would be lots of travel but at least I could occupy the place I'd been struggling to keep the whole time I'd been chasing work around the country, trying to provide for my college-aged children.
God loves me. He tells me so each time I cross the bridge over my beloved river, the Lehigh. Further proof, as part of my training, I have been sent to NYC for a 5 week assignment, all expenses paid. Since I've been back I've had the most amazing tango excursions. The women have been phenomenal. I wake up the next day remembering dreamy dances with darling tangueras.
I have not experienced this kind of feeling to this degree of magnitude ever. I think it is because this time I know I will not have to be leaving. The last five years have been hard on my heart and I blame tango for that. I fell in love with a wonderful woman and didn't (couldn't?) hang around to nurture that relationship. I am broken in so many ways. I cheated on her and destroyed something that, in hindsight, would have been incredible. I should have done things differently but c'est la vie. My sex drive has been devastated and now I understand its purpose: it is there to get us to take chances on illogical life-paths, to prevent men like me from becoming monks when we are needed so badly by the opposite sex to end two lifetimes of loneliness simultaneously.
At 55 years of age, I realize that I may only have enough love in my heart for one last relationship and I've got to make it count. I feel like a guppy in a fish tank of piranhas. I am so close to heaven, to living a life while working close to home, running the river, dancing tango, mowing the lawn, voting in the local elections, maybe even going to church to be a part of the community, yet I fear that I may blow it based on my previous experiences.
There you go, readers. That is where the Kayak Hombre has ended up. There but for the grace of God go I. My path in life is on a precipice climbing the side of a mountain. The future is uncertain. I am poor in material things but rich in the ways that count. I have my kids, my house and my career as both a telecom junkie and a writer currently working on a book about witches. I've been away for the last six months but now I'm back. Stay tuned for more insight into my life, into tango and other things.
peace, love, tango
the kayak hombre
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