Repost:The T-D-H factor (tall-dark-handsome)

               I think I am going to include another piece of criteria in my ratings of tango events. I will call it the ‘T-D-H’ scale. T-D-H stands for tall, dark and handsome. This is a factor that we leaders have to contend with from time to time. I often react adversely to the extra competition that, in fact, ends up being no competition at all, I simply cease to exist until a.) T-D-H runs off with a beauty b.) sleeps with the sheriff’s wife and is thrown in jail c.) starts wearing heels and makeup to milongas d.) he moves on to the next workshop.

               Of course, if you read my blogs, my most recent encounter with an instructor with a significant T-D-H rating, was Charles, a.k.a. Carlos Morocho Gardel. I am a guy, so my impression of this man was that he was ugly and his hair was a mess. But what do I know? T-D-H is in the eye of the beholder and, in this case, the beholder was almost every woman in the room...and they all disagreed with me.

               So, let’s give this guy a rating and establish the criteria with which we determine a T-D-H rating. Since I possess no facilities for determining ‘handsome’ I will simply substitute the catatonic effect an instructor has on a woman, in its place, and call it ‘WKF’, wobbly-knee factor.

               Charles was not too tall but he was taller than me at about six foot. 1 being short and 10 being tall, Chas gets a 7 in this category.

               Charles is very dark, which I thought would work against him but I was way wrong, this was actually a big plus in his favor and he gets a 9 here.

               Finally, the catatonic effect he generated on the group as a whole, I would have to rate as at least an 8. This is my first time so I am erring on the side of caution because I could easily say 9 but not 10.

               So his T-D-H rating is 7-9-8.

               I remember talking to a female instructor and she said of her partner, “he says he has two jobs: one as a dance instructor and one as a gigolo.” So I guess I shouldn’t be jealous, this is, after all, what brings the women out to the milongas. Women are what bring men out to the milongas. So I guess it is a chicken or the egg kind of question and the answer, in this case, is T-D-H.

               Women and men are different. Men can look at pornography for stimulation, that is how we can survive for months at a time on ships crossing the ocean without any women. Sometimes I have to wonder about what is really going on in the space shuttle but now they’ve got women up there so everything is normal.

               I’m not pretending to know what stimulates women but I have observed there tends to be large concentrations of women present whenever the T-D-H factor is high. Take, for instance, the Nutcracker. Every year the bulge in the male lead’s pants gets bigger: one year it’s a roll of quarters, the next it’s a roll of half dollars, the year after it’s silver dollars! C’mon, when will it be the size of a third leg?! Whatever it is, I am sure the bulge increases the T-D-H factor because the audience is packed with women.

               I asked a tanguera if we shouldn’t merely find some young Argentine men and bring them to our practica and she said, “No. They need to be instructors.” That doesn’t make sense to me but I don’t pretend to understand. So there must be a fourth factor out there that gives the man validity. Let’s call it the ‘X’ factor.

               It is the X factor, I am certain, that raises the score a man receives on the T-D-H scale. Someone like Guillermo Merlot would possess an extremely high X factor and probably rate a 9-9-10. I assign the 10 based on my observance of his effect on the women at a workshop I attended. If he was within ten feet, your partner absolutely could not concentrate on following. Oy!

               Of the places I’ve been to, the resident tango instructor with the highest T-D-H rating would be Daniel Arredondo in Charlotte, NC. My partner at the time had a chance to dance with him and she gave him a ‘dreamy’ rating. This from a woman who only rates men as ‘good’ or ‘not good’.  I’m not going to go out on a limb and give him a rating. I’m only going to say to the guys, if you want to make your girlfriend happy, bring her to Charlotte for a private lesson with this guy. I’m sure he’ll be booked for Valentine’s Day.

               I end this tirade with some advice for tangueros. Be aware of the T-D-H factor. When it is present and in its most potent form, you cannot compete with it. The best you can hope for is for the tangueras to be thinking of ‘him’ and dancing with you. A new day will dawn and he will be gone.  For them there is always another workshop or another milonga to attend.


Note: Check out my new book on Amazon: Fear of Intimacy and the Tango Cure.

(For a more in-depth looking into the mind of the Kayak Hombre and his thoughts on tango, buy his book: River Tango, now available on Amazon.com at http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527 )