Tango, Alcohol and the Woman Substitute

               Here is an observation I am sure you will find original and hopefully edifying: alcohol is used by men as a substitute for female companionship. As with most insights into my life, diet and emotions, tango has helped lead me to this conclusion.

               Men and women react to alcohol in different ways. The intoxicant has a greater physiological effect on women but men are affected in a way I believe that is not much studied. According to my scientific observations, which are valid nowhere and not worth the digital paper they are printed on, boys are attracted to alcohol because they think it increases their chances of having sex.

               The appeal of beer and liquors to men is often met with revulsion among women. I don’t believe women are offended by the alcohol so much as they are disgusted by its effects on men they would otherwise deem desirable. Conversely, young males are susceptible to the fantasy that an inebriated female is a ‘willing’ female. If we can’t get her to drink up, then we end up doing it ourselves.

               Using myself as the laboratory for all my studies, I’d have to say I drink too much beer. I like the brew but I’ve noticed that I have very little desire to imbibe when I tango. Also, I was in a relationship for several years while I was learning to tango, and, upon reflection, I realize that I drank very little when I was with my partner.

               Alcohol consumption was definitely a contributing factor to my divorce.

               Today I seriously considered abstaining from alcohol and this led me to ask myself the question: why do I drink? The catalyst for my current dietary/psychological analysis is a book called ‘The Schwarzbein Principle’. What I’ve learned so far is that my diet puts me in a state of ‘insulin resistance’ which, if not recognized and controlled, could make me a candidate for diabetes and/or a heart attack. When I was younger this was not so frightening but it is a lot scarier now that I am fifty-two.

               Some might wonder why a man would need a ‘female substitute’ when he was married and I offer this explanation. I should have quit when I wed but maybe there was something lacking in our relationship. Once we had children it was easy to become estranged and my allergies helped widen the divide. It’s highly possible my allergies were the result of my substance abuse.

               I’m not asking for forgiveness but I am devoted to being truthful. My ex-wife is a great mother and we are both dedicated to the health and well-being of our children. The reason I am considering the concepts put forth in the aforementioned text so seriously, is that I want to be there for my kids when they have kids of their own. A grandparent is one of the greatest gifts a child can receive.

               Schwarzbein advocates for control over accelerated metabolic aging by controlling insulin levels via a healthy, natural and balanced diet. Her list of things to avoid are the staples of my life: alcohol, caffeine, stress.

               My job is very stressful. Tango helps immensely to reduce the tension created by a seeming lifetime of being on-call in case the cellular network crashes. As I was learning how to be proficient at this dance, I was happy to see it led to positive changes in my diet (mostly a decrease in the number of beers I drank).

               Tango was a catalyst for my last relationship. I rarely partook of libations when I was with my partner. I understand now, as I question the reasons for my drinking, that the woman I was involved with satiated my cravings for alcohol because that urge was really a desire for female companionship.

               I think I can make the changes Schwarzbein suggests if I dance more. I am not only dancing tango now, I am also working on country waltz, country two-step and west coast swing, as well as re-tuning my ballroom dancing skills in waltz, cha-cha and rumba. That will take care of the alcohol and the stress.

               The last fence I will have to climb is one I’ve scaled a few times before and I don’t think it will be that difficult: caffeine.

               When I became a full-blown tango addict, I resorted to caffeine abuse in order to stay awake on the long drives home from milongas in New Jersey, NYC and Philadelphia. The only stimulant I consumed before that time was the little bit of caffeine that was left-over in decaffeinated tea. I guess it’s time to break out the old tea kettle and get rid of that crusty old coffee pot.

               I have to say I feel a whole lot better physically since I moved out to New Mexico, five months ago. I consume a lot less calories now than when I first arrived and have lost nearly ten pounds since my arrival.  I am no longer on antacids and acid inhibitors to keep my stomach fluids from eating my esophagus. Until I picked up The Schwarzbein Principle paperback I assumed my diet was a healthy one; now I am thinking that there is a lot more to dieting and health than a reduction in fat and calories.

               I’m not exactly sure how I’ll incorporate the concepts from this book into my lifestyle but I am certain that tango is a part of my life to stay. It may have been the one thing that was keeping me alive up to this point. Big changes are coming but as long as I have tango, I’m positive I can handle them.


Check out my new book on Amazon: Fear of Intimacy and the Tango Cure.

Note: For an in-depth look into the mind of the Kayak Hombre, read his book, available on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1369366756&sr=1-1&keywords=River+tango