Women Dance to Find the Flower

               I think for some women tango is a journey into themselves, to find and understand that part of them that attracts men. It must be a difficult voyage and I honestly can’t say what is going on with these tangueras. I’m fairly certain they couldn’t tell you either. I dance with these women all the time. Their skills are usually low but their passion is intense.

               Women are flowers. Some grow in the jungle where there are many and the competition is fierce. Some grow in the mountains, like my favorite, edelweiss, the mountain flower, where there are not many other flowers.

               I love edelweiss.

               When I was young, I lived in the mountains and took edelweiss for granted. As my children grew older and after my divorce, I found tango and went to the cities of Philadelphia and New York searching for ‘jungle’ flowers. I was surprised to find that I found few ‘jungle’ flowers fulfilling.

               I also found a lot of edelweiss.

               When I dance with these mountain flowers it is usually a struggle unless they have reached the end of their journey and discovered who they truly are: a beautiful bloom that just happens to grow above the tree line. As a responsible tanguero I believe it is incumbent upon me to assist these women on  their trek to ‘find’ themselves.

               I have to ask myself, “beyond offering my services as a dance partner, what more can I do?”

               Blogging is like psychoanalysis. Eight paragraphs into the post and I finally discovered what the real question is that I wanted to ask.

               I think a woman, when she first embarks on this journey, a trip to reaffirm that she is a flower and that she can still attract bees, is vulnerable. As a man I am tempted to seduce her but I know that would end up being a hassle and more. Besides, I am not like that anymore. I try to be the kind of man my daughters think I am: a noble person who does not take advantage of people when they are in dire need. Being older is great!

               I’ve tried explaining to these ladies what, to a man, is obvious: all men are just one bark away from becoming a hungry, uncontrollable wolf.  I feel stupid for even trying to console them. They are tangueras and they are special. They are smart enough to recognize pity and that is not what they are looking for, they’d rather have the ‘pass’.

               From my many conversations with tangueras I now know that the ‘pass’ is a sign of power. To have the ability to compel a man to risk an invitation to a possible relationship is truly intoxicating for a woman. As they grow older, the intoxicating effect increases as well, not like wine which mellows with age, it is more like a well-blended scotch: liquid fire!

               The pass is likely to be offered by a younger tanguero. It is a phenomenon I just noticed this past weekend. There were many young men attending our workshop. As I talked to the more experienced women in our group I was amazed to find that they couldn’t believe the college-aged males enjoyed dancing with them. I am often left speechless when I realize how little women know about us guys!

               Permit me to stray off course a little as I try to offer more data on this well-known fact: younger men dig older women; they represent the possibility of sex without commitment. Having been a young man once myself, I can tell you that having to constantly deal with our raging sex-drives is like wrestling a tiger almost every moment of the day. If we give up the struggle then society pays. We commit crimes of passion and eventually end up in jail or dead, sometimes even happily married…go figure:-) Just to be with a woman who represents the opportunity to get that tiger off our backs is intoxicating. The mere thought of such an encounter is liberating.

               Blah, blah, blah, I digress. I’m back on track. So, what can I do? The answer is: not much. She is on a journey that only she can say when it is over, that she has found the answer she is looking for. All I can do is be there for her, to dance with her and help her find her own balance. The rest is up to her.

 Note: For an in-depth look into the mind of the Kayak Hombre, read his book, available on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1369366756&sr=1-1&keywords=River+tango