Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

               Last week at practica I had to pull a Fran Chesleigh. Fran runs a practica at Dance Manhattan on 19^th Street in NYC. That’s an understatement but that’s all you need to know about him for now except that he does not put up with leaders who don’t switch partners at his practica. He’s a big guy. He kind of looks like Godzilla with lighter skin…same neck.

               He sits on his throne at the back of the room with Pat Altman and a German DJ who will never dance with me again. Scanning the crowded dance floor and eyeing the sidelines, he seems ready to open his mouth at any moment and spew flames, scorching the offending tangueros to cinders in a single belch. When he can no longer put up with the sight of idle tangueras he stands, stops the music and makes a speech.

               I hate that speech. I hate it mostly because it stops the music right in the middle of me having a great time. I’m having a great time because I’m dancing with a newbie who’s absolutely delighted to be getting so much attention from an experienced dancer. She’s being nice to me because she wants me to stay and I am completely enthralled.

               There’s lots of experienced dancers at Fran’s practica on Saturday afternoons. They come for the same reason I did: veal:-)….. Veal is a female dancer who has just made her first foray into the world of tango. She’s spent 20 years waiting for her man to take her dancing and has finally given up on him. She has taken matters into her own hands and found her way here.

               The event is listed as a beginner’s practica and held immediately after the intermediate practica in the same room hosted by Mariella Franganillo.

               If you’re thinking we’re just there to dance with a woman who is easily impressed with our superior dance skills because she knows nothing, you’re 100% correct! We’re guys, what’d you expect? Don’t answer that, I hate finding out what noble expectations readers have about men who dance tango.

               Anyhow, ‘the speech’ stops the music right in the middle of my hour in the spotlight with a doe-eyed lady from the Midwest or Brooklyn or like-I-care-where. It’s similar to having a car drive by as you’re making out with your sweetie on what you had thought was a desolate country road. If it passes too slowly she’ll come to her senses and button up her shirt:-(

               I can’t remember exactly what Fran says. I’ve only heard the speech twice. Basically, he says the guys had better start asking the tangueras who’ve been sitting for more than one tanda to dance or he’s going to get real mad, maybe knock over the Empire State Building or stomp on the George Washington Bridge with his giant reptilian foot.

               He gives ‘the speech’ because he’s the host and he’s a good one. He’s seeded the crowd with enough aspiring tango instructors and former students to attract a fairly large amount of novice tangueras which in turn attracts quite a few excellent leaders from the previous practica.

               These new girls would not stand a chance at Mariela’s practica. The women at that dance session are experienced tangueras in constant pursuit of invitations: switching positions, chatting up prospects, engaging them in the waiting area and, if need be, slipping into the dressing room to shed their bra, open a few shirt buttons and hike up that skirt just a little bit more.

               Get in your car and drive west for 2000 miles and you will find another, quite different tango scene in the town of Durango, Colorado.

               I am helping out here at the local practica. It was brought to my attention that not enough partner swapping was happening. That’s when I found myself pulling a Fran Chesleigh and delivering ‘the speech’. I’m still not sure what I said but it was pretty much on the lines of, “SWITCH PARTNERS!!!!”  They got the message and everybody was happy.

               All week I’ve been thinking about this partner not-swapping phenomenon. I kind of feel like the guys are getting a bad rap, like it’s their fault that they can’t let go of the tanguera they’re with. After much thought I’ve come to the conclusion that it is not their fault at all but they must shoulder the blame nonetheless.

               Let me explain.

               A single, middle-aged man arrives on the tango scene after a long hunt. He’s tracked his prey across the plains and deserts to the dusty wildernesses of ballroom dancing and the tequila-strewn nightclubs of salsa. He’s swung his arm off to one-step, two-step, three-fish, blue-fish. He’s country-danced with enough cowgirls to have seen all the cows come home.

               He’s learned the meaning of being alone in a crowd; something he never thought was possible.

               Until he found tango, this man was bored out of his gourd, seriously considering a life of solitude fixing fences out on the North Forty and maybe getting a dog or two. He finds the concept of practice new and exciting. Even more enticing is the repetition of dances with the same partner: no more one and done!

               Along comes a lovely lady sporting three-inch heels, a black dress and enough cleavage to make the Rocky Mountains jealous and this guy gets blamed for not switching partners! 

               Pashaw!!! I say!! 

               Any decent man raised right by his momma knows that woman are made of sugar and spice and everything nice but when she’s looking like that how can we do anything but lose our train of thought. We even lose our will power….because it’s no longer ours to control, it’s hers.

               Speaking for all the men engaged in the sport of tango dancing I announce to the world that we are onto your wiley schemes and flowery devices, ladies! We know we are the victims of your feminine guile………and we LOVE it!:-D We know that without you the scenery is a horizon of sage brush, fence posts and barbed wire. We’ll take that blame with pleasure because we cannot afford for you to go somewhere else. We’re too old to start another hunt and at our age we’re smart enough to know the importance of not spooking the quarry.

                 Is that the end of this post already? Okay, SWITCH PARTNERS!!!!


Note: Check out my new book on Amazon: Fear of Intimacy and the Tango Cure.

 Note: For an in-depth look into the mind of the Kayak Hombre, read his book, available on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1369366756&sr=1-1&keywords=River+tango