The Big Secret

               I was talking with a friend this weekend and she wanted to know why some men didn’t dance with her. She is a very desirable tanguera and usually has no problems getting invites. I found this a difficult question to answer so I thought I'd try here.

               Scenario #1: This is the most likely circumstance. There is too much competition for you. He is not just here to meet women; he is here to relax as well. You don’t have to have a string of guys following you around the room, either, for him to think he doesn’t stand a chance. It could be one man who made you laugh out loud and your reluctant tanguero just happened to witness this event.

               There are many reasons why a man would not want to compete: he’s tired; he’s got self-esteem issues; etc. Whatever the problem may be, it is not yours so don’t worry about it, especially if you’re already getting lots of invitations.

               Scenario #2: He’s just not that into you. This is tango. We come to this dance from all different angles and a lot of life experience. At this point in our lives we know what we like and what we don’t like; you may not be on the menu. You’re a brunette and he likes blonds, etc.

               This may be hard for you to handle so tell yourself that he likes guys.

               Scenario #3: He’s an accomplished dancer but, because this is tango, he has not yet mastered all the skills he needs to dance with you at any time and he is just waiting for the right music.

               Scenario #4: He’s so into someone else that you aren’t even registering on his radar as a possible target. If you do, it’s just to make her jealous. Be careful.

               Scenario #5: He wants you so bad that he’s afraid he’ll rip your dress off and start humping you on the dance floor. You absolutely make him want to lose control and he is fighting an internal battle with himself.

               If you weren’t a hot commodity in the dance pool, I’d suggest for you to be very, very careful here but I suspect you are quite capable of handling the situation. On a primal level, this is where you want to be.

               Scenario #5/6/7/infinity: There are an endless number of reasons why a guy won’t dance with you. Accept that you don’t know and move on. Most of the time, it has very little to do with you.  Something is going on inside him and, chances are, if you are patient, you two will make wonderful music together eventually.