I was reading a tango tip on a San Francisco tango website, http://sanfranciscotango.com/. It was titled, ‘Asking a Lady to Dance Tango’, and I found myself disagreeing profoundly with the prognosis of the author. The end of the essay has him asking, “Shall I have the honor of your hand in a tango?”
Ugh! Gag me with a spoon and hit me on the head with the handle!
I went to the website to propose a link to ‘River Tango’ book sales, and my blog, but I no longer care if I get the link. Also, I feel compelled to venture into a diatribe on ‘cabeceo’ and something I shall call ‘milonga ambience’.
Cabeceo, as we all know, is the art of inviting a tanguera onto the dance floor. It is done through eye contact. It is a very useful technique and helps tamp down the effects of rejection, which are many.
When a woman turns down a verbal invitation to tango, the suitor is not the only one affected. He is now marked as undesirable in the minds of other tangueras. A man who has been rebuffed publicly experiences as certain amount of negative feelings that, try as he may, he cannot hide. This energy is then transmitted to the overall group awareness via his body language and, possibly, a few pessimistic comments.
The object of the invitation is marked as well, because other tangueros, alerted to the brief exchange of dialog, now view her as a woman who says, “no,” and thus perceive their chances of a successful request as somewhat diminished. Men are shy, especially with women with whom we are not familiar. We are constantly weighing the odds between rejection and acceptance while considering a dance proposition.
Allow me to make this observation: one woman’s tango nightmare is another woman’s dream tanda. Tango is all about connection. You never can tell what will happen when two strangers come together in a tanda of tango. I have heard many an experienced tanguera remark on the pleasure they’ve found dancing with men who possess the innate ability to connect and maneuver through the crowd with ease even though they have only been dancing a few weeks. Granted, a T-D-H(tall-dark-handsome) rating of 8-8-8 helps!
Finally, I must discuss ‘milonga ambience’. This can also be referred to as group consciousness, mob mentality and herd behavior. The mood of a crowd of people can be positively or adversely affected by the actions of a single member. Environmental factors can also contribute substantially: soft light, good music, hardwood floor, the size of the space, are all things that add to our overall experience of the event. Verbal offers are going to result in a number of acceptances and rejections. The verbal acceptances can be joyous, polite or unwilling. The tone of a person’s voice is easily noticed by those nearby. Audible rejections can be polite or harsh, there is no positive outcome. Not only does the tone of the refusal register with the group, the body language and possible verbal reverberations, as the tanguero remarks later to his fellow milongueros, also ripple throughout the gathering.
The monthly milonga at the Metropolitan-Ballroom in Charlotte, NC, is a good example of a place that has terrific ambience: http://www.passionfortango.com/. Under the guidance of local tango instructors, Daniel Arredondo and Bill Temples, this community has developed into a superb example ‘good group tango mojo’. There are two lanes of traffic, most tangueros apologize for collisions, there is no passing, lighting is superb, music is excellent, there is a bar and the room is spacious but not so big as to feel empty. The mood changes from an awkward gathering of strangers in the beginning to a collage of amorous couples navigating on autopilot by the time 'La Cumparsita' is played at the end.
I understand that we are Americans and feel compelled to ‘Americanize’ anything we bring back to our shores from other countries, but, there is a limit to what we can do before it ceases to be an import and begins to become an abomination.
Note: If you are not familiar with my T-D-H rating system, please read my 11/10 post.
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