Why Doesn’t He Ask Me To Dance?

               The purpose of my blog, sometimes, is to allow women to see the thought process of a man involved in various tango activities. Today's topic: how I decide to ask a woman to dance. You may find my reasoning confusing, even maddening, and that’s probably the appropriate reaction.  

               Occasionally I am well rested and eager to explore as many new partners as possible. Often I am tired or my left knee is throbbing with pain. Once I get on the dance floor and hear that tango music, my fatigue dissipates and I forget all about my aching joints. This is tango. It is my drug of choice. When I imbibe my body responds with adrenalin that allows me to dance in spite of weakness or injury. When I am in my chair Newton’s Law of Motion is in effect: a body at rest will remain at rest unless acted upon by another force.

               I am quite certain that force is within, on or around any tanguera in search of a dance. This is a big subject so I will break it down into three sections.

               What is within the tanguera? If I don’t know her I’ll make an assumption as to her ability just from looks. Looks say a lot. Posture conveys whether she is eager, too eager or not interested. Shoes indicate skill level to a certain extent: sneakers=no skill; pumps=some skill; practice shoes=skilled/over-skilled; high heels=target tanguera:-)

               There can be an ethereal force within a lady that draws me to her. When this is present, ability is inconsequential. It is not a power that can be denied. It compels me to persuade her to join me on the dance floor. I will take the utmost care with this dance invite because failure here is not an option.

               The second set of criteria I consider is what she is wearing. Once again, the shoes say a lot but here I am strictly evaluating my reaction to the appearance of her shoes. Like the bright, shiny object the hypnotist uses to mesmerize his subject, so too is the effect of a striking pair of high heels on the prospective tanguero.

               Is she wearing a bra? This always works but I’m sure women have learned that they get too much attention unless those babies are chained down or conveniently concealed until a moment of their choosing. I’m not sure what women are doing with their breasts but I have noticed they are wielded with much more strategery than I had previously thought.

               Other externals: hair, eyes, hips, shoulders, blah-blah-blah. I think every woman has a pretty good idea of what her best assets are and we men each have our own personal likes and dislikes.

               The final measure to be considered is what is going on around her. Is she engaged in conversation? If so, is it frivolous or serious?

               Is she alone? This is a good one. A woman by herself is always a potential target. When I see a woman by herself all sorts of pheromones and endorphins are activated in my body. There’s usually a little adrenalin associated with the sighting. The feeling is purely sexual but not in a vulgar way, if that makes sense. The sexual emotion is activated because of a lack of competitors. Conversely, a woman surrounded by men is enveloped by a cloud that has a dampening effect on the bodily chemicals that produce physical attraction.

               Perfume. When I started dancing I often found a woman’s artificial fragrance annoying, frequently triggering allergic reactions. I must have undergone a metamorphosis or somehow inured myself against certain allergens because now I enjoy a variety of perfumes, like Christian Dior’s ‘Pure Poison’ or a bodywash by Victoria’s Secret called ‘Pure Seduction’. There is a tanguera at Dance Manhattan I can’t resist whenever she ‘just happens’ to walk past me after having applied a fresh coat of the latter fragrance.

               I attended the Albuquerque Tango Festival this past weekend and I have a few observations I’d like to add for your consumption.

               One tanguera asked me to dance three times and I was happy she did. I had a long drive to Albuquerque and both days were filled with milongas and classroom instruction so I was worn out. That she was not a stranger I think made all the difference in the world. When a woman asks a man to dance she might get one tanda but that can be the last one she gets from this leader...ever. I think the lady has to rely on her instincts when making the offer instead of receiving it. This is tango and sometimes a girl has to take chances.

               At the beginners milonga I was heavily influenced by the music as well as a string of good dances with my companion and other tangueras. This led me to make a hasty decision on my next invitation. After I escorted my last partner back to her seat, I scanned my immediate surroundings. This is where I make most of my propositions, inside a circle thirty feet around me, directly following the end of the tanda.

               I spotted a tanguera twenty feet away, seated at a table. In a split second I took her in and made a decision. She had short hair and I just had a great tanda with a woman with short, red hair. I also liked the cut and texture of her hair. She had nice eyes, long legs and a dress made for dancing tango. The clincher was the shoes. I didn’t get a direct look at them but I could tell they were high heels and the color was pleasing, I think they were white and light green.

               We made eye contact and she walked onto the floor. I presented my frame and she came in for close embrace. What followed was a perfect tango encounter. Her skills complimented my choice of movements. We were meant to meet. She was a sibling from a past life. Our energies combined and became something more than the sum of our parts. We became part of the music, part of the crowd and we made it more beautiful.

               I walked back to my seat, elated. I had chosen well.



Note: Check out my new book on Amazon: Fear of Intimacy and the Tango Cure.

 Note: For an in-depth look into the mind of the Kayak Hombre, read his book, available on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1369366756&sr=1-1&keywords=River+tango