Body Chemistry and a Woman's Freedom

               The tango embrace is begun by a man and a woman joining together at the heart. Their shoulders and arms are back, held without tension. Their hips are separated so that only their lower ribs are together. In this position the woman is free to break away and so it must be when the coupling is completed and throughout the dance. Joined thus each person is exposed to the other. Their health, anxiety and possibly even their thoughts are available for the other to access. It is this vulnerability that is the essence of tango, the secret ingredient, the net with which their hearts are captured.

               A man attempting to move to the rhythms of tango music is affected emotionally by his efforts, a primal reaction caused by the proximity of the opposite sex. This in turn causes her to exhibit a physical response of her own. This is called chemistry. When combined with tango music the chemical reactions can be breath-taking.

               I often feel foolish in my attempts to lead yet I am frequently surprised to find the lady in my grasp enjoying the results of my efforts. I think women take pleasure in a man’s embarrassment as long as he is engaged in an endeavor to please them. That is the chemical reaction mentioned earlier. When I sense my partner’s enjoyment it makes me virile and my back straightens, my chest protrudes. I’ve noticed that the change in my posture is usually reciprocated with a delightful repositioning of the follower’s frame.

               The key factor in all this is the woman’s sense of freedom. To the observer it might not appear the lady is unencumbered but she is not concerned with her audience for she is focused solely on the dance. What matters to her is that she feels like a partner, not a captive, so she is at liberty to express the music through her own movements.

               To complete the coupling the man offers his left hand to the woman at a comfortable level for her to easily place her right hand on his. Their hands come together like a bird landing on a tree branch. The bird alights on the supple limb that yields beneath its weight while still providing support.

               His right arm wraps around her back without entrapping her or pushing her off her balance. Usually his hand is placed underneath her right shoulder blade but anywhere is fine as long as she is comfortable with it being there. I know I don’t have to say this but I will: don’t put your hand on her butt.

               I find it doesn’t matter how the woman positions her left arm around me just as long as she keeps her lower ribcage pressed to mine as best as she can. If I know she can feel my intention, the direction in which I want her to go, then I am satisfied. 

               Now we are ready to move. Here is where all the time we spent practicing pays off. It is not easy to move in this position without knocking your partner off his/her balance. With my heart I ask her to step backwards or sidewards or towards me; I could also invite her to pivot or shift her weight to the other foot.

               Or I can do nothing and simply enjoy her embrace, the sound of the music, the feel of her touch and the smell of her hair, for this is tango and that is where the passion is: in the pauses.


Note:Fear of Intimacy and the Tango Cure.

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