Is he lookin’ at me? Mmm-mmm-hmmmn! Six foot two and eyes of
blue, you’re damn straight I got something for you. Get your ass on over here
and show me what you got!
Well,
well, well, look at you, all smooth with the moves; did I just do a volcada
like nobody’s business? Damn, your pecs are poppin, ain’t no stuffin’ in there,
just good clean muscles…yeah, baby!
Yeah, I
know, that song was over too damn quick. You like what you see? So confident,
just standing there, eyeing me up like a cat do a bird. Don’t miss these shoes,
sugar! I paid one hundred and seventy-five dollars for these little girls so
you better take a gander.
Hey,
what’s that there? Is that a stethoscope peeking out of your right, inside
pocket? Are you a doctor? A love doctor, I bet! Yeah, heh, heh, heh.
Okay,
Ricardo, show me what you got. I didn’t put on this little black dress for
nothing. Okay, big boooyyyy! Take this and shove it up your pasada. Hey, what
was that? All that effort and all I get is a pea-shooter? That won’t do.
Here, let me reach into my bag of little
tricks and see what I got to get a rise out of you.
Did you
notice I got some Christian Dior Pure Seduction dabbled on my right ear lobe?
Here, honey, catch a whiff of this. Yeah, thas right, baaabbby! Now lead that
pasada again. Yeah, see that calf? Yeah, that’s right, it ain’t sportin’ no
sneaker at the end, those are real Comme Il Fauts, four inch heels, mutha
fuckeeeerrrrr! And, yeah, see this thigh leadin’ up my back side, it ain’t no
hefty, hefty cinch sak if you know what I mean. 100% lean, fat-free, grade-A
take me home and put me in the oven.
Okay,
gangsta, I see I’m getting’ through to you. Yeah, that’s what I’m talking
about: Louisville Slugger!!! Alright, now let’s take that thing and go huntin’
some elephants.
Whoa!
Where you goin’? Whatchyou doin’? Can’t you see I’m open?!!! Hey, that ain’t
right!
Now who
are you? You think you gonna replace him? Don’t you look at me like that,
Hector, and don’t you go getting’ too close. I’m respectable, y’know?
For more sexy thoughts on tango, check out this book by Carmen Cray: tango and zombies, oh my!
Note: Check out my new book on Amazon: Fear of Intimacy and the Tango Cure.
Note: For an in-depth look into the mind of the Kayak Hombre, read his book, available on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1369366756&sr=1-1&keywords=River+tango
For more sexy thoughts on tango, check out this book by Carmen Cray: tango and zombies, oh my!
Note: Check out my new book on Amazon: Fear of Intimacy and the Tango Cure.
Note: For an in-depth look into the mind of the Kayak Hombre, read his book, available on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1369366756&sr=1-1&keywords=River+tango
So this is your revenge post? Ugh!
ReplyDeleteWhy do you never -- and I mean never ever -- write about tango in this blog?
PS So this is what a potential rapist would think when he dances tango. Very interesting. Thank God I won't ever have to risk dancing with you.
ReplyDeleteThis woman's not dancing tango? Did you not understand her four rules on arousal? 1. it's okay if it's a doctor. 2. It's okay if he's good looking. 3. It's okay if he's smooth. 4. It's not okay if it's some guy named Hector:-)
ReplyDeleteAhh, your post script is an admission you knew I was writing about tango.
ReplyDeleteBTW, the woman gets dumped by the guy she's teasing even though he's aroused. Promiscuity does not necessarily result in copulation.
ReplyDeleteSorry, but your imagination borders on delusion, Perri. If you think that any of the tangueras you dance with would have thoughts such as the ones you imagine above, you don't get the dance. Wishful thinking perhaps? Your fantasies give more insight into your own mindset than into the women who frequent milongas.
ReplyDeleteIsabelle, I am using comedy to illustrate four hypothetical rules a woman, not all women, would apply to this condition. The first three are instigated by her, that last she levels against her next partner. Do you think women never try to get men excited? C'mon, give me a break!
ReplyDeleteCan I get a 'holler-back' from any girls that are woman enough to fess up to this?
ReplyDeleteAll this says to me is you're watching too much porn. Dude?!
ReplyDeleteKirra, to suggest that a woman might attempt to arouse desire in a man is not an indication of anything other than that. To deny this exists in the world of tango, the world's most passionate dance is absolutely ludicrous! Here's an equally vacuous response: your comment suggests all women dancing tango are nuns(sorry, sisters, I didn't want to bring you into this because I know you're already getting enough flack from the Vatican).
ReplyDeleteSensuality and sexuality are not the same thing.
DeleteI know sensuality and sex are not the same thing, nor does seduction necessarily lead to sex as in the case of my story.
DeleteListen to yourself, Perri. "Give me a break!" You people are "not woman enough" for this post. Your reply is "vacuous". Perri, you have completely departed from the sphere of civilised discourse here and that's because you have no rational justification for what you wrote.
ReplyDeleteYou don't think there's rational justification to write a fictional account of a woman trying to illicit a sexual response from a man? Try this one on for size: in tango, women sometimes try to seduce the men they are dancing with; they can do it because a man is good looking, successful or graceful. Is that reason enough?
ReplyDeleteHere's another perfectly logical reason a tanguera might try to seduce a man: to see if he's gay. A woman will do this for no other reason other than to satisfy her own curiosity.
ReplyDeleteYou seem to think of milongas as meat markets, Perri. With that expectation, I bet you get disappointed a lot. Frankly, I don't know of any tanguera who is interested in seducing men sexually at milongas, and sexual advances are generally regarded as yucky and completely unwanted. If that's what you have in mind, go try another dance scene. Tango is the wrong environment for that. We are at milongas to dance, and it does not matter whether our partners are straight or gay. Period. Sorry to burst your outlandish fantasy bubble.
ReplyDeleteMadò, che figura di merda che fai! I am glad I live on the other side of the world from you, as I am all the more certain to avoid catching your eye for a dance.
ReplyDeleteI was disgusted when I was reading this.. It is the way you write, all sleazy, not just the issue. Of course it is possible that a tanguera finds someone interesting and desirable; but most people dancing tango that I know are more sophisticated than that and even if there is attraction I just don't see women thinking like that. I am afraid it is you and your attitude to women and not us. Your writing is sad, really. And offensive. I like men who show respect towards women, and this is not a gathering of gentlemen who have had too many beers.
ReplyDeleteIsabelle, sorry to burst your own fantasy, that I get disappointed a lot, but I don't. And I don't tango looking to have sex: I am there for the dance and enjoy heartily a tanguera who is willing to attempt an honest interpretation of the music through our movements. My first post on this subject was from a man's perspective, the second I wrote, to be balanced, from a woman's perspective. I am not saying all women are doing this but I think it is absurd to suggest it never happens.
ReplyDeleteTina, I don't speak Romanian, sorry. If you can't forgive me this little bit of honest expression, I am sure you would never be satisfied with me on the dance floor. I too, agree, it is best you are far away.
ReplyDeleteRomanian? That's Italian! I thought by your last name you would know that.
DeleteIt translates to "What a crappy impression you are making"...
I'll join the chorus of people who think you simply don't "get it". Actually, I'm a bit sad for you, since evidently you can't even fathom people ejoying sensual pleasures unless somehow it's sexual.
ReplyDeleteThere are those of us who can enjoy tango as they enjoy a cup of good coffee or a stroll through the country on a sunny spring day while the sun warms our skin and a light breeze caresses it. It's not _always_ about sex. Not even if I enjoy it with my wife.
Anonymous, in spite of your disparate thoughts, you have come closer than any of my detractors in admitting that a tanguera may try and seduce a man while dancing tango. I assure you that I have the utmost respect and reverence for women, especially those undertaking the endeavor to try and dance tango. I do all I can to make sure they know my intentions are honest and clear. The writing style I chose was that of a woman talking as if she was from 'the street'. If it offended you, I apologize, but it was the medium I thought best to express the thought I wished others to consider: that sometimes, not all the time, and I'm sure it is rare, that sometimes a woman is guilty of seduction.
ReplyDeleteAlexis, I hope my tango experience is never as enjoyable as a cup of coffee or a walk in the country on a spring day. To me it is something much more than that, something better, deeper, bordering on the religious. I don't respect your opinion much as you attest that you've never been aroused, even by the woman you met at a milonga whom you would eventually marry...that is what is truly sad. On top of that, you say she doesn't dance tango anymore. I feel sorry for her and have to wonder if it is not due to your lack of interest in her.
ReplyDeleteYes, Tina, I did know it was Italian. I am the son of a Toccolano, if you must know. Your comment was without substance other than saying you wouldn't dance with me. Your efforts to impress me with your ability to formulate a sentence in Italian is outshined by your inability to refute me on the basis of what I wrote.
ReplyDeleteOh please, you're the last person I would try to impress. I preferred to write that phrase in Italian as some things just don't sound as good when translated into English, if you must know.
DeleteConsidering I have a boyfriend (who does not dance) and considering that I certainly have never tried to seduce someone through tango after nine years of dancing it, and considering that I most CERTAINLY have had NEVER the train of thought of which you write, I must disagree with your sexist, disgusting, vile and offensive opinion. In short, I think you're a pig.
Cheers from Emilia Romagna
Perri, my advice to you is to get your head out of the gutter and let go of your curious preoccupation with sexual arousal in tango. Alexis nailed it with his suspicion that you don't understand the difference between enjoying the sensual experience in tango and sexual desires--start reflecting a little on that. It would also behoove you to demonstrate some of the respect you claim you have for women. So far, we have seen that neither in your writings (yes, I did read both of your offensive pieces on the subject) nor in your comments to your critics.
ReplyDeletewell, i'll cop to it happening; afterall, it's thru tango i met "mi novio". it's just, Perri, that i believe MOST women do not think it goes down the way you've fictionalized. i just don't use "motha ..." or think that way about men, etc.; this is presumably where most of the issue arises.
ReplyDeleteI do, however, believe a 'follow' was flirting with 'my man' when she asked him to "show her what he's got." But he took offense to her comments so I wouldn't say that that "flirting style" doesn't happen but it may not be very effective; much like a lot of us have thought your post, well... sucked. And he, to this day, still doesn't think she was flirting with him.
PLUS, tango is a non-verbal dance so, generally, one (both male and female if they know the codigos) would wait until after the tanda to "try to find out if their physical attraction might carry over to an intellectual, emotional and other areas attraction as well and to see if the person is available and to find out "available for what" if that's where they wanted to go with the conversation.
SERIOUSLY, what level of "social-awkwardness" is displayed when someone has anything (keys, wallet, mints or egads, a stethoscope) in their pockets. If he indeed is a great lead able to make a follow do things like "nobody's business" then he should know better! This "doctor" can't be that good at medicine, or at tango, for that matter. It takes an equal amount of dedication for both. So, in your fictionalized version any dude that HAS to have his stethoscope easily available is probably a better tango dancer than doctor. And, as aforementioned, if he's got junk in his pockets he isn't that much of a dancer.
All in all, I'd say your magining the on-going dialogue (you weren't eaves-dropping, now were you?) is just "off". Kudos for having the guy notice not only her perfume but shoes! Can't go wrong complimenting a gal's shoes! But, REALLY, all tangueras attempt to LOVE their partners unconditionally for, give or take, 15 minutes. Everyone needs their hugs! And Argentine Tango provides a false sense of relationship like no other dance! Any and everything is wide open for misinterpretation.
Perhaps, Perri, you're not really suited for writing "from the woman's perspective" and even less so from the "tangueras." It does seem like the person that commented you're watching too much porn is on to something. At least, I "imagine" porn dialogue close to what you wrote.
Here's a radical thought: You're right. Women flirt with men and men flirt with women. In MYRIAD situations, not just tango (duh). You're choosing it as a subject about which to write is, well, boring. But you did attempt to "spice it up"; you just didn't completely succeed. Keep trying... and for goodness sakes, don't give up your day job in telecom!
Isabelle, read Darlene's comment, this is a woman with a clear grasp of reality.
ReplyDeleteDarlene, thank you for your thoughts. I have 138 other posts written about tango that have nothing to do with arousal. They back up my claim that I can think about tango from different angles. I wrote eight of them in between the first and second post on arousal but no one commented on those. These two posts have been the most widely read and that makes me wonder if there is not a demand for this stuff...yes, that means look forward to a lot more.
It is tough to write from a woman's perspective since I am a man, and a crude one, I admit. The tanguera is a 'you're-not-woman-enough-to-take-my-man' kind of lady and I based her on my experiences watching hillbilly women argue about who's stealing who's boyfriend.
The stethoscope is in the man's jacket. I failed as a writer to describe that. I didn't realize someone would put it in his pants pocket and take it as a phallic symbol. The stethoscope identifies him as a good provider, her rule#2 for trying to get him to display.
I completely agree with your last paragraph: I'm right. I know I am. Women do flirt with men and vice versa. I did try to spice it up: right again and I didn't quite succeed. I am writing a blogpost. It is free. I try to do a good job but if I don't...well, you get what you pay for.
I'm not quitting my day job, believe me. Writing doesn't pay nearly enough to cover a bill much less all the bills.
Thank you once again for your honest, well-thought and well-written commentary. I wish everybody had your ability and discipline.