How To Relax In Tango

               I was dancing with a woman when she confided in me that she was so nervous she had to take a couple of Xanax to calm down. I’ve noticed this is a common problem amongst beginners and I have to say it is a topic worthy of further discussion.

               In my travels I’ve encountered two types of tangueras and that I’ve been two types of tangueros when I dance: I was a nervous dancer when I took up this hobby and several years later I was more comfortable with my role as the leader of a dance.

               Ideally, being relaxed on the dance floor is where we all want to be. I believe it is important not just for our performance but also for our physical and mental health. When I began dancing I was very uptight, very uncomfortable with people in my immediate space and very homophobic. I think this caused me all sorts of unnecessary stress which affected my heart, digestive system and blood pressure.

               After three solid years of dancing tango, all those problems disappeared, well, not totally but for the most part they are gone. I am much more relaxed on the dance floor as well as at work and in other social scenarios.  

               The inability to relax while dancing is something I’m very familiar with. On my initial forays I attributed the phenomenon to my over-active sex drive. I finally overcame that obstacle by resigning myself to the fact that I was never going to become romantically involved with a lady because of my performance on the dance floor. I became more focused but was still a Nervous Nellie.

               Next I worked on my technique and balance and that solved a lot of problems. If I could lead while maintaining my own balance effectively (thank you Dragan Ranitovic), then I could concentrate on my creativity and on my partner.

               I was still not a hundred percent but the last victories over anxiety came incrementally. I learned to wait for the woman to complete her step, giving her time to embellish if she so desired (again, thanks, DR:).  Soon I began to receive many pleasurable responses from my partners and I worked to illicit them as much as possible. It was this last stage that nearly wiped out my nervousness altogether.

               It seems that knowing my partner was pleased with my efforts helped me to relax. Eventually, I took it a step further and worked to let the follower know that whatever she did I was happy to be in her embrace and that she could never make a mistake as far as I was concerned.

               This was an epiphany for me! Not only could I dance with certitude but I could also affect my partner’s emotional stability by letting her know how pleased I was to be with her. Soon I began having ‘dance relationships’ which began when a woman confided to me that she felt at ease with our combined efforts and requested that we continue practicing together. The trysts never went any further than dancing.  

               Now I enjoy women, all shapes, ages, colors and sizes. Through tango I’ve come to see much more quickly the inner woman inside each lady I dance with and if she is truly attractive where it counts most: in her heart.  When she moves with ease and on her own balance she appears to me to be a figure of beauty and grace….thank you, Tango:-) for allowing me to see something that was hidden so completely. Now I have a treasure map to countless fortunes lying beneath the skin of every follower.


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