Tango Depression

     It’s 2 a.m. and I’m depressed. Maybe blogging will cheer me up. I have to ask, “Has it all been a waste of time?” I just watched a movie, Midnight in Paris. It is about a writer wandering the streets of Paris. He seems lost. He is like me. It ends with him meeting a girl and they walk off in the rain. It didn’t seem to me like he found himself.

     I applied for a job in Baltimore. It is for much less money than I’ve been asking but it is the position I want. I worry that there won’t be tango in Baltimore. I know a woman from NYC who works in Baltimore. When I asked her about tango, she shrugs, “Not much.”

     I pulled up my map. It’s been awhile since I had to plot a course for a new tango venue. It’s too far from Philly to Baltimore, DC is closer. DC has great tango but there is too much hoi poloi; everybody’s a diplomat or engaged in some foreign enterprise. It’s one thing to shrug off the little boy in me to dance with a beautiful woman, it’s another thing, entirely, to shake off the river guide in me and mingle with Beltway-types.

     The nice thing about NYC is the people are down-to-earth. They like river guides. Philly people, too, are like that, now that I’ve gotten to know some of them better. For me, now, tango is becoming less about learning the movements and more about the people. Sometimes, I want to dance with a stranger, other times I want to dance with a friend.

     I’m not particular about the music, I’ll dance to anything but sometimes I love to hear the classics, like La Cumparsita or Don Juan. I remember listening to the soundtrack from the movie Amelie. It was November and it was cold outside. I was driving back from tango in NJ at midnight. I think that was the time I realized there was no turning back.

     I guess I’m lucky I have tango. It gives me something to do while I transition into a new job and, hopefully, a new career. It’s led me to blogging which has helped my writing immensely. I’m more comfortable writing every day. Yesterday’s blog was a little forced but I think I managed a few good thoughts. If I didn’t have tango, I’d be in Afghanistan, no doubt.

     It’s the end of the year. That’s probably the reason for my melancholy. Outside, the wind is howling and it is cold. There’s no turning back so I guess I’ll go forward. If I don’t tango tonight, I will find someplace new on Friday.


(For a more in-depth looking into the mind of the Kayak Hombre and his thoughts on tango, buy his book: River Tango, now available on Amazon.com at http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527 )