One of the most delightful experiences, for a tanguero, is a woman’s first dance. Most times, but not every time, a lady takes her first stroll to tango music with all pistons firing and every nerve quivering. That’s a lot of activity! In a guy’s body, there are only four activity centers: Tinker, Stomach, Heart, Brain. A tanguera thinks with her entire body, forty-seven erogenous zones and on two different cosmic planes: the physical plane and the ‘intuitive’ plane. On her 'pista' premier, all her machinations are focused on the leader and it is an extraordinarily wonderful feeling.
This is a good thing to keep in mind if this is your first milonga. It also reinforces the importance of focusing on your partner. There are a few other things you might want to keep in mind and I thought I’d list them here.
When asked to dance, don’t say, “Oh, I don’t know how.” That almost sounds like ‘no’ to a man. If we have to ask verbally, instead of using cabeceo, then we are already extremely nervous and we will turn around at the slightest sign of rejection.
Men have a special radio tuner that is designed to pick up only one broadcast and it comes from a woman. There are only two messages being transmitted: ‘I’m pleased’ and ‘you’re not man enough’.
On Saturday, I saw a skilled tanguero heading over to ask a friend of mine for a dance. He got as far as the sea of tables where everyone sits and changed his mind. He was too intimidated and he backed down. He’s a good dancer but his tuner picked up that ‘you’re not man enough’ message and he got scared. I can understand because I’m a guy and, as I’ve explained in other posts, woman have spent a lifetime sharpening their ‘machismo slicer’ and often are not aware that it is scaring away the customers.
Another thing not to say is, “No, I don’t want to dance,” or words to this effect, all beginning with ‘No’. When that word is uttered as a response to a dance request, take it for granted that five other guys heard it, too. Two of those guys are hunks you wanted to be molested by and now you’ve blown it.
Men don’t hear most words women utter except for two: ‘Yes’ and ‘No’, and they make it through our ears to our brains, every time. We’ve got a dog’s sense of hearing when it comes to those words. ‘No’, to men is emasculating. ‘Yes’, on the other hand, ‘grows a pair’ all its own. We can hear the word ‘Yes’ even when it’s not being spoken and just a passenger on a thought passing through a woman’s brain.
Now, you’ve been asked to dance and responded with a joyful, “Yes, certainly.” Five guys heard that and you are guaranteed more invitations. You made it to the dance floor and did your best to follow but you don’t have a clue as to what you are doing. Based on your acceptance speech, you are assured a whole tanda of dances, such is the power of the word ‘Yes’. The same is true for a seasoned tanguera checking out a new milonga.
What you say at the end of the tanda is critical. The best line I’ve heard is, “Thank you, so much. You can ask me again, anytime.” Don’t say it if you don’t mean because it is a very powerful statement for a man to hear. You’ll have to stay off of Facebook for a week, once you say it, until he settles down. The memory of you is now that of a woman three times as lovely, smelling twice as sweet, singing soft lullabies to the little boy that exists inside all us tangueros.
There you have it. Go to a milonga and say, “No,” and kiss a hundred dances good-bye until a new batch of leaders comes along with no memory of you saying that word. Go to a milonga and accept a dance happily, while saying, “Yes, certainly,” and say hello to a whole crowd of tangueros waiting to catch your eye. Depart with these words, “Thank you, so much, you can ask me again, anytime,” and you can expect a repeat performance, many times, from the same man.
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